Life on Two Wheels

another year, a different year

2012-01-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

Bonne année! I am always so wowed by how much happens in one year of my life. I always end up in a different place then I had planned. Always go so many places familiar and new and exciting... excited to see where my legs and feet will take me in 2012....

Lots of things happened in 2011. I went a few places this year. I would have to say my favorites just to name a few were, Oceanside, California to visit my brother and his fiancé. Ensenada, Mexico for my brothers wedding with Alister. I always enjoy going to Redlands, California for the Redlands Bicycle Classic that Alister races in. Its always worth the 12 hour drive on just a starsucks, I mean starbucks, and a hot dog. I really enjoyed working at Nine Maine in Connecticut. I forgot how capable I was of being a positive part of a persons day to day routine. And east cost summer riding around the lake was always refreshing... I met lots of really nice people... friends.

I guess its time for that New Year thing. Were I make big plans to do big things. So things I want to do with this next year. France is definitely on the top of my list. Since that is where my hunny will be spending the majority of his year and not just because he will be there, but because a little of my heart belongs there anyway. Second. I really want a bicycle!! We all know that the wheels of my bicycle are my wings. I want to keep working out at the gym and be fit. And thats about it. Oh and grow my hair out really long. Thats all I have to say about that. Its gone and on to the next one.

photos of the last few weeks.

2011-11-26T10:16:00.001-08:00

the sunset in Moab while we were driving home from Ogden.

for halloween we dressed up like this... we're good for each other right?

we did a weekend trip to Moab. Alister's first time. Arches was awesome. He is the black dot under delicate.

We went to Utah for an early Thanksgiving! I loved getting to spend time with my favorite little kiddos.
my lil nephew Cody and Neice Charlette. You can see why I love them so much, right?

Astonishing

2011-11-22T13:06:00.001-08:00

Just back from an early Thanksgiving trip to Ogden with Alister. I had a blast seeing my family and a lot of my Ogden friends. After our week there I didn’t want to come home! I liked staying with my brothers and sister-in-law Farrah. Farrah is my favorite gym buddy ever. I liked hanging out with my mommy and feeling the always welcoming hugs from my friends in the cycling community there. I feel like I belong there, like I am part of something special. I miss that. Even though the oh so loving arms of Alister are enough for me anywhere... I will be lonely when he is off racing around the world next season. I am so excited for him, but I will miss him. I am hoping I can use that time apart to pursue some of my own dreams and goals. I want to use and consider that time a good thing where I can self improve, become stronger and better for Alister... for me, for us. I’m sure he will do the same.
From past experience I feel like the lonely periods in my life were one of the best ways I really began to learn about myself. When I felt alone I was forced to really look deep into my emotions, my actions, feelings and my beliefs. Working through those things allowed me to come out brighter, happier, better and more aware than before.
Now dont get me wrong here. I am not excited to go through that lonely feeling again. I know how much it can hurt having my reality torn in two and feeling like I have to face the world alone, but I think that just from past experiences I am predicting to much and expecting it to be bad, but who am I to say what the future holds. I dont want to be scared going into these changes. I want to be excited. Not anxious, but just thrilled to have the life I have and positive about my future whatever it may hold. Lonely or not. I want it to be astonishing.

something old.

2011-11-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at a petit table in my favorite cafe, Kafe Mercantile. It’s the cafe just around the corner from where I was raised in Ogden, Utah. It is an early sunny spring morning after a rainy spring day. The sun is more than glorious as it rises over the massive Wasatch mountains and as it shines through the windows of this French-esque coffee shop. I'm staring out of the windows in awe at the new green leaves and grass. The water droplets on them are magnified in the morning light...

Mmmm. And the coffee is so good. My favorite. The best I have ever had from anywhere. Every sip of it is a bit of motivation, and every cup is a cup of encouragement to live a great day... a great life.

I am visiting from Durango, Colorado, the place I call my new home… It’s amazing there and fresh. And here is amazing too, but old to me and has many old memories…

The café window is like a looking glass to memories… As I sit at this petit table and look through the window and out at the scene, I remember many of my memories. I cant help but remember my days in France, my travels to here and there and everywhere. I remember many little memories; my happy ones, some sad ones, and some of love…. And I day dream… of happy things… all my happy things… and how I’m happy…

RatcliffRacing

2011-11-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend Alister Ratcliff has started up a website! ratcliffracing.wordpress.com Follow it to see whats happening in his racing career with Chipotle Garmin SugarLabs! He has an exciting racing schedule for next season potentially over the pond. Also his website provides a page with details about the crash he was in this summer resulting in a lot of unpaid hospital and dental bills. There is a a link for donations on the page for his accident. All donations are through PayPal and transferred to a donation only checking account that we set up specifically to keep all donations separate. All the funds donated are used for the hospital and dental bills only. Thanks so much for your support. We are excited for his racing future and appreciate your donations towards helping Alister pay these stressful medical bills. Also don't forget to follow my blog as well! I only post about once a month, but when I do I do and its gooood. ;)

The seasons they're a changin'

2011-11-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again. When it gets cold and I have to fight to keep my thoughts warm. Its that time of life again where I am confused and amazed how I arrived where I am today. Its crazy isn't it? How we all end up in places we never expected or planned. Yet it seems as if the place I am is what I always dreamed and makes more sense than what I thought I wanted... or at least I feel it does. Feel. Sometimes I catch myself not feeling. Sometimes I just go through the motions of being a living organism. No emotions on what I have done in my day. No drive or reason for doing it... just doing it. Thats not who I am or who I want to be. I like feeling. I like looking at the sky and the mountains and having my breath taken away while on a bike ride or a walk... Getting butterflies over small happy memories. My goal this winter is to not let the snow freeze my mind and emotions or dreams, but to be the negative pressure that just fuels the fire to live my dreams and to set goals and reach them. Happy Winter Everyone.

Vadabing baddaboom!!!

2011-08-30T05:26:00.001-07:00

Cachow! Just like that summer is already over! I don't think the fact that I just spent three months of summer vacation living with my boyfriends parents has sunk in yet... Especially the fact that mine and Alister's relationship survived through it. I would be a huge liar if I said it were easy. I could name too many reasons or things that Alister's parents do ass backwards that give me great reason to not miss them for a while. However they truly are incredible people to put up with my princeass attitude and forwardness in criticizing all there inefficient lifestyle doings.

I think had we stayed one more week someone would have exploded really causing a problem in the relations.

Yet, here I sit at the end of a summer not just living in a household that felt like it was from the 1940s in the UK, but having met some really sweet people through my job at the cafe down the street. Upon my leaving I come to realize how much of an effect my persona really does have on others and how I should continue to strive to be a positive and honest asset to my community. I am richer of a few more friends and managed to not completely destroy my relationship with Alister's parents.... Lol

This morning I watched the sun rise over Manhattan. Sitting in the airport... Watching all of the people... Although I don't love the east cost like I do the west I still have a new found spot in my heart for New England.

The beaches of California are calling. My brothers Mexican marina wedding will be beautiful and not having to share Alister with his mom will be renewing and give us a good start before we turn to Durango and struggle to our path leading to the next chapter in our lives.... My matra.... Don't stop dreaming... Positive vibes manifest positive things.... Positive vibes manifest positive things....

Pricelss...

2011-04-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

So after hacking up some blood, high fevers, and a VERY soar throat. I feel almost 100% today... I really am just sad I spent all my money (plus some) on a doctors visit!!!!! but I already said that... So, now broke Stephanie is going to walk her butt over to get her blood test results, breath in the sweet Durango air, and say "auvoir" to all the things she planned on using that money for on her week long vaca. I will just have to enjoy Cal-i-forn-i-a without spending a damn dime.... Just the way I have for most of my life not having much cash to spare. I have had to be frugal, but one thing being on tight budget has awarded me when I am thoughtful enough to consider it, is sweet memories...

When Alister and I were living out east we were (still are) extremely tight for money, but we still decided to use our last nickles and dimes to take a trip into New York City. It was my first time going into the city. We had a great time just looking around, taking pictures and enjoying each others company and it will always be remembered as one of my favorite weekend vacations. I guess what I am trying to say is that. Yeah, money can be happiness a lot of the time. It sure helps at least. And you always really do need some money, but the best part about living is getting to spend living it, broke or not, with a good friend, an interesting place (most places are interesting if you just keep looking) and a good attitude... you can have the best memories. In fact, this probably isn't everyone, but I think most of my favored memories are when I was hurting for some cha ching.

Having an empty wallet does get old when its all of the time, and I do love to indulge; bikes, some close, getting my hair cut, and eating reallly good food. But the best things in life... well, they really are... Priceless.

Redlands 2011

2011-04-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

After my fabulous experience at Redlands Bicycle Classic the previous year I was quite distort to think that Alister wasn’t going to race it this time around. But last minute after Alister had a great performance in Tucson and San Dimas he scored a spot onto Monster Media through Phil Ziajhek. I felt confident that Alister could do quite well at this year as he was going even better than last! BUT since it was SO last minute I wasn’t sure I would get to go. But it worked itself out as most things I really want do and we figured it would be a lot cheaper for me to drive his bikes out than for him to fly them out with him.
I drove a loooong lonely drive of 12 hours by myself in our ol’ elantra. I am not sure how I made it. I think after a certain point I was just delusional … Delusional until I started to breath in the fresh green smelling spring air of San Bernadino county. My senses were suddenly awakened and I knew I had made it to my dream like city of Redlands. The city in which I think I really started to fall in love with Alister.
The host housing was great! Just above Sunset Drive were the best of the stages takes place. Alister was getting a head cold the first few days that was awful, but regardless he did immaculately. He didn’t do as well obviously as he would have like in the prologue. (last year he got 14th) and in the road stage he was so sick and pushed himself so hard he threw up on himself! He rarely does that. But in the crit he did better than he did last year as he managed to stay away from the crashes, but what really mattered was the Sunset Stage. The final stage was where it really matters and last year he couldn’t finish, but this year he managed 18th! Boy will I tell you! I don’t think I have ever been so excited to see the finish of a bike race before! I didn’t even think Alister was going to finish the final Stage on Sunset because he was sick, but he really did so well! A lot of the countries paid pros couldn’t finish, but Alister head cold, throwing up, and all pulled out with 18th!
I got sick with what he had almost immediately upon our return back to Durango. I think just because of how horrible I felt I gained a lot more respect for Alister and his ability as a bike racer. I was wining and suffering all day when I was just sitting with a box of tissues on my sofa and he, feeling the same way at the peak of his illness raced 124miles in 100 degree weather! S.T.U.D
The team he was riding with was packed of some really experienced riders that didn’t bring any drama or excuses. It was refreshing to be around racers that kept it strictly business on the bike. No bull shit excuses, just some seriously smart and talented bike racing on all their parts.
The family that hosted us was adorable and so kind. Brian, Patty, and Maddi. So cute… Again another beautiful experience in Redlands soaking up the rays in the feed zone, getting my tan on while Alister did all the hard work. I LOVE IT!

eat. pray. love

2011-03-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

Although I thought that most people figure out a meaning to their life before their 30s I guess Julia Roberts didn't. ;)

Not sure how I feel about the movie. Although I did enjoy watching it and that it had some good points... In fact I kind of felt like I related to it, but only I was barely 18 when going through this faze of self discovery. When I had a serious bug to get out into the world and I had a broken heart that I thought France could miraculously mend. A series of events led me to eventual inner peace and agreement with "God" and the universe... I guess. The most basic thing I learned and wont ever forget is that life for me is good when I get to share it with the people I love and with the man I love. Every moment, fun or sad, lively or still, full of heartbreak or love... All are stunning, and full of meaning and greatness. AND I. LOVE. IT.

2011-02-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

I am so bored. So bored I am on the verge of tears! Not to sound un thankful for all the good in my life, but um yeah. I can handle boredom every now and then. It even feels good every now and then to be bored as a reminder that not being bored is so much better! Stillness is a healthy practice, but too much of anything isn't, right? Over it. Cracked. I wish I was powerful enough to not let it bring me down, but it has. It really has. I want to hide it, but it comes through. I finally was able to purchase a bike, but it wont be here for TWO months. I don't know how I will last that long. I wish I were patient

Success...what a dumb word.

2011-02-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

I was asked if I felt I was successful...

I feel I am "successful" even in "failure." Isn't what we measure our success by all a matter of how we, our selves, choose to think about it? I can choose to do a lot of things. I have made a lot of choices. They say that with every choice comes a consequence, but why is it that consequence sounds like a bad thing? It seems our society emphasizes the bad effects of bad decisions, but never the good ones. What about the only okay ones. And then why if something is "bad" do we say everything happens for a reason.

So here I am in my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I know loves me very much and tries always to help me be happy and who loves to share our happinesses together. And I feel that our relationship is "successful." But what an almost dumb question to ask someone. "Do you feel you are successful in life?" I believe that having a successful life is finding the beauty of life in the journey of each of my days instead of all the different destination I wish I had reached and forgetting all the ones I have. My consequences have brought me here? Yes I tell myself... And even though I look at my desire to learn French or race a bike... It is not to say that I will never do these things again, just that for now, they must wait.... But I will dream on. And I will always have "it". It as in happiness, success, money, or whatever society claims it be... Whatever.

Drink coffee! Do Stupidi things faster and with more energy!!!!

2011-02-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

Seriously... Seriously... I am not going to lie. I have been getting so bored with Durango Lately... Living here and not riding is painful. Haha. My job at the mountain is glorious, but I would love it so much more if I even knew how to ski and owned skis. Working here is great though in comparison to mcdonalds! Just working with clients and people of a higher moral is so uplifting and motivating. Working here has helped me become confident in myself again in being able to eventually pursue my career goals as a flight attendant, and even in my abbilities to get a job in CT so I can be with Alister over the summer! Its strange the things I do to be with him instead of on my own riding, and playing.

I remember everyday that I feel bad that I cant ride a bike, that the lonliness I was feeling with that material item was still joyful, but that its not the same as sharing joy with your best, most loved friend, my Alister. Making the sacrifice is worth it and will pay off in the end. For now I am okay with just drinking my coffee to help me do stupid things faster and with more energy!

So now I work work work! To make money and pay my bills and buy flights to cali then CT then back to cali, then back to Durango! My brother Allan finally proposed to Farrah and it looks like they will be having an August wedding in Mexico! Farrah has asked me to be a brides maid! So hence the desire to fly out to visit them in May to help with wedding plans! After that I would like to fly to Connecticut to start working a simple summer job as Alister races around. As long as I can support Alister in his cycling I feel like I am still involved with cycling and that makes me happy! In July Alisters brother Scott is marrying Kari in New Jersey. When August comes we will then fly to San Diego to meet up with Farrah and Allan and drive down with them to there Mexico wedding!!!! Aaand at some point a long the way I will pick up a bike to fill some of my spare time riding in CT, plus I will need some mode of transportation to get to work, right?

Home is where your heart is....

2011-01-14T10:12:00.000-08:00

I don't have a bike right now. In fact I haven't ridden since super week in July.... I sold my bike to pay off the credit card I originally used to purchase my first rocky mountain. It had just gotten to the point that I wasn't able to make my payments on it and it was sent to collections and gaining interest super fast. So it came to the point where I decided that my obsession and love for riding wasn't more important than me always putting myself in a bad financial situation, but I wont lie... Now that it is mid January, I miss it, and I mean I miss it a LOT!

But regardless Alister and I still find a way to do what makes us happy and nothing brings true happiness like being with loved family and friends! For thanks giving we were in Utah visiting my interesting family!

And for Christmas and New Years we were in Connecticut! It marked our first of many lovely Christmases together! I got this cute necklace

While on our mini holiday vaca back east we had a day in New York. The highlights definitely starting with Carlos Bakery! You know! CAKE BOSS??? TLC??? Yeah. My fave! And boy oh boy oh BOY! Was it just as good as I had hoped!

We got LUCKY. Normally its a three hour wait just to get into the place, but for us none. It was slow and the place was all ours due the huge storm keeping all the other so called fans inside! We didn't see buddy, but we saw Joey and Marlo! Not to sound like I was fame struck but Joey made eye contact with me more than once!!! I couldn't bring myself to ask for a pic though! The canolis were as delicious as Buddy makes them sound and same with all the other goods we got!

But upon our return its been go time! Alister and I quit our awful corporate jobs and have been working on starting a cleaning business while I also started a new position at the Durango Ski Resort. There I work at the deli! Its a lot different than McDonalds! The clients are a heck of a lot nicer and I make tips on top of the already few dollar higher hourly wage than McD's!! Not to forget the free ski pass to a very beautiful ski resort!

Stuperweek, an A-Man, Bike Love, & Devils Kitchen.....

2010-10-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delayed updateage....

After a summer of traveling all over the more eastern part of the US living out of my suitcase, working and racing at bike races, I was rethinking my love of the Sport. Superweek for me wasn't super in the good way, but a great learning experience still and a moment in my life that will always stick out in my mind. After my time there I greatly looked forward to time relaxing with my wonderful boyfriend and his beautiful family in Connecticut, DC, and NY. It was a fabulous trip to say the least and learned that I really love and am in love Alister Ratcliff.

But a week prior to returning to my beautiful newish home in the mountains of Durango, Colorado I was asked a question from our host at the Tour of Utah. She asked, " You love this sport don't you?" And I hesitated. I did... But then it really did come to me. While I watched sweet Alister suffer through the brutal stages of the Tour of Utah... In this sport it is all about how much you can suffer physically, one mistake or incident of bad luck with have you down and out of coming close to succeeding and then you blow. Lets just say its a good analogy of life. Like Rocky said. "Its not about how much you can get hit. Its about how hard you can get hit and hit back!" (its easier to think this when its not your lungs turning inside out and your body undergoing complete pain and stress) But yes. I love this sport for that reason. Because it has the endure the shit and pain in life and love the winnings and the work it takes to their sort of energy.

So although I am taking some time off of my personal racing and working the devils kitchen aka McDonalds to pay off my debts so that I can race my bike with less weight on my shoulders. Spend some time enjoying life thats not a bike so that when it is a bike... I can appreciate it more... Oh, and not to mention the great times I get to have with my friends and Alister.

Redlands and Tucson...

2010-03-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

You know that almost exhausting yet invigorating feeling of taking flight as you pack the car and get out of town?? The chill late winter air was full of it as Alister and I made preparations for our bicycle racing vacation to Tucson, AZ and Redlands, CA. That morning we made a quick stop at our favorite breakfast joint in Durango, CO called Doughworks to get some homemade breakfast burritos and bagels. The morning light was breaking over the beautiful Durango Mountains and the yellow lines on the highway danced behind us as we drove west out of the snow and towards the valley of the sun… Arizona.

Tucson, AZ was our first destination. There Alister would be racing the Tucson Bicycle Classic. Kind of a shit show of a bike race, but it was warm out there in the cacti filled national parks. And we were happy to get some warm weather riding over gates, up lemon and around the race courses. The sun and warmth were super gratifying. Alister had a decent race as well. The race was proof that he was on good form for the Redlands Bicycle Classic (an NRC race with the big boys. Redlands for him could possibly mean being signed on to a pro team).

In Tucson we stayed in a house full of cyclists and a tri-athlete. Jon Chodroff, Thom Coupe, Jon Craig, and Kelsey Kooreman.

Jon Craig was from Nashville. He lived in the shed and cleaned the others bikes as rent…. And he drank a lot of coffee. He would go for long rides and sit at his favorite coffee shop for hours. Solid kid.

Thom Coupe looked like a beach boy to me, dirty blond surfer boy swoopy hair, but in all reality he was from New England and is Alister’s loyal and really strong teammate. A funny guy.

There were others who lived there, but were out of town during our visit on cycling business of sorts. The house was near the Tucson campus and downtown Avenue. We often made the “6 mile” walk down to University Avenue where there are lots of sweet cafés and restaurants. (really not even a mile walk, but Alister doesn’t like walking much…) A couple of my found favorites were Lindy’s a sweet burger bar with an awesome eating challenge, and Times, a euro style café, pizza, sandwich, gift, and exotic food…. Market with an outside patio with little birds that pooped on my phone, but the place was so cool, I didn’t even mind much.

After the races we would stroll over to the coffee shop where we would meet with FLC teammates and good friends, Yorgos, Russ, and Dossin to result stalk and talk about the races while enjoying a cup of tea and each other’s humorous company. Once on our “stroll” back to our host house from down town I was so joyous about life I did a cart wheel… and ripped my pants. Go me. Good thing it was dark. And good thing Alister already likes me. Ha.

Although I was not racing I spent the warm days in Arizona running and polishing up my base with long hours on the bike. I rode up Mount Lemon, Gates Pass, Tucson’s national parks, and around the ginormous sprawl of a place that Tucson is. Say “goodbye,” to pasty white red headed Colorado girl and “hello!” to my returned oh so flattering cycling tan lines! (not to be confused with farmer tan lines).

The time came that it was no longer California dreaming, but California FOR REALS! We said “asta luega,” to Tucson and “Surfs up!” to Cal-A-forn-I-A. Redlands, California was so beautiful I get giddy thinking about it, not to mention my mouth starts watering in memory of eating oranges right off the trees, and sitting at the coffee bean drinking my favorite “shit in a cup” or better known as the original blended mocha. Mmmmmm.

The first few days in California we were set up in a sweet hotel at the Courtyard Marriot thanks to a good friend. It should have cost us around $130 every night, but was more like $25. Sweet eh? I spent my days riding around Redlands while Alister practiced the courses for the races, and sitting by the pool playing cards and getting my tan on true California style. One day we went to the beach. I had seen the ocean from a distance, but never actually gone to the beach. Alister was a sweet heart and took me. I braved the cold ocean while all of the other riding buddies we were with chilled on the beach looking silly with their cycling tan lines.

Once the race came closer we checked out of our luxury hotel and headed to meet our hostess in Redlands. Her name was Tammie, She was a really sweet red headed lady! She helped me in the feed zones and was a total trooper with all the boys. Alister and I were the first ones to get to her place and the other riders started trickling in...

Thom Coupe, his teammate that was in Tucson with us was the first to join us.

Next we got to meet Christian Deshaies. Christian showed up in true fashion on the door step. Since he’s Canadian and speaks little English, he accidently ended up getting picked up by a seigneur of another composite team that was looking to pick up a “Chris” from the airport. Eventually they figured out he was the wrong one and that’s how he showed up on the doorstep. Christian was one crrrazzzy guy and full of laughs. He reminded me a lot of… Eddy Merckx. ;)
(insert picture of Christian)

Nathan Willson, a skinnier and smarter … kinda’ version of Russel Brown.

William Goodfellow, French Canadian

Jerome Townsend, a suntanning Goddess, I mean, God. ;)

Josh Bartlett… Don’t know how to sum that kid up

Robert Coble, Insane bike mechanic and team getter-shitter-together-doner-er-er-er. Saved our hineys from being a total cluster fuck.

Facebook... Might be my best friend...

2009-12-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

So yeah... I'm addicted. Follow me more on Facebook. I am better at keeping that updated with events.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?success=1&id=684523272#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=684523272

Grocery Shopping

2009-12-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

So I am grocery shopping... I am walking up and down the isles and around the store looking at my options of what I want. Some things I know I need. What if City Market doesnt have them? Somethings I know I want. Sometimes I'm down a weird isle I never had really been on before. I could always go to another store, but I'm on my bike, I am here now and its cold and icy outside, so it is here I will shop...

I guess you could say I am also grocery shopping for options in my life. I know what I want, its the knowing what I need that is the problem. I need food, hence the grocery shopping, but what else? I swear up and down that I need cycling and I swear it still. There are so many things I could choose, so many brands that are sitting on the shelf available to me. I just have to decide "this is the one I am going to buy." Then I can use the self check out, and "Voila!" its mine to do with as I like. I have my life in a shopping bag (more like my bike bag, but hey.) If it doesnt fit in my bag its obviously too big for me to haul home.

I am one of the luckiest people I know. I am living the journey of my dreams. I feel a little shocked that I am where I am, but instead of feeling shocked, I am currently feeling loved and blessed with God given "options", name brand talents, and priceless friends and family that I could never "buy off a shelf."

Bend OR CX National Championships

2009-12-12T15:11:00.000-08:00

We left early Wednesday afternoon on our drive from Durango to Bend Oregon for the cyclocross national championships. It was an epic drive. I was in the ladies van with Shriver driving. It was nice to have some quality hours getting to know Coach Matt Shriver a little better and getting to know Magen Long. I continuously feel fortunate to be on a team with not only extreme talent, but one of beautiful individuals. Once we arrived in Bend we headed straight to the CX course for a few practice laps. It was like they had made an obstacle course over a sheet of ice and had me a in a mindset of fear of failure, but the last couple days on the course have been reassuring as the ice has turned into tacky mud. Shriver and "Balls-Out-Dip-In-Hagen" have taught me a lot about choosing lines and as I have gone around and around I feel I know the course like the back of my hand. My teammates have also shared a lot of valuable tips with me and I feel confident that I can do well and that our team can take home the gold. Seeing the girls from other schools out on the course today built a little fire with in me.... and all I can say is, "IT'S ON. Ka-Kaw!"

See more photos and follow our progress on our team website: http://cycling.fortlewis.edu/

"Oh, members of the Church of the Big Ring! Preach me pain!"

2009-11-23T10:51:00.000-08:00

So its thanksgiving break and I came home to Utah to visit some much missed food, friends, and family. Coming home gave me a bit of anxiety. I felt like I havnt been gone very long, and nothing about Ogden seems to have changed that much. Things are still cool here and all my friends hair is just a bit longer, but its still the same Ogden. Pretty in its same ways. I raced the cross races here this weekend and loved it. But coming back to Ogden really has me thinking how much I love Durango, How perfect Fort Lewis College is for me, and how lucky I am to be on the FLC Cycling team with such neat fast people. I may not be able to go to school next semester, but I plan on staying in Durango and working so I can gain my residency in Colorado and save some money for next summer semester. I am happy to feel happy if you know what I mean. Last winter I seemed to have vanished in a thick mist of change and have finally found my out again fresh, new, and enthusiastic about my future. I still fight negative self talk and self hatred, but daily find self love, and am mindful of what is and that "it" is what it is and thats just fine. Life is beautiful. I am a beautiful person. I can achieve much, and I can spread happiness too others.

Kate Shavel has been a blessing in my life. She is such positive liver. She makes the most of everyday and is not blind to the beauty in little things. I love that in her and she helps me to see goodness in myself and in life. I am lucky to be me.
me at heber cross in utah. that was a rough day of racing after much driving the day before. It was a "training race" ;)

Track Nationals....

2009-10-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

I think I am in love... with the velodrome. I had only ridden on a velodrome twice before I ended up at Collegiate Track Nationals in Trexlertown Pennsylvania. I finished 16th in the overall woman's omnium. For my first time it was not too bad. It was a learning experience. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think my favorite event in the future will be the pursuit. I finished 12 in that.

Durango Diva

2009-09-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Although I have never muttered to myself more often in my life the sentance, "Freaking hippies!" I sent a text out this morning to my new coach Matt Shriver saying, "Matt... I think I'm in love... With DURANGO!" Regardless of all the "its cool to be cool" chaco wearing pot head rock climbers. I woke up one of the first days I was here on my ridiculously uncomfortable dorm matress and the words of a bright eyes song came into my head, "Everything must belong somewhere, I know that now, that's why I'm staying here." As usual I am facing some financial set backs but somehow things are working out very well. This place is beautiful. There are so many great people here and I have made some great friends. Matt and Dave are awesome coaches and I feel I can instill a lot of trust in them. They do a lot of hard work for us. Last weekend I got to train on the 7-eleven Olympic Velodrome in Colorado Springs. The experience gave a me a dash of vertigo because your biking on an incline of like 45 degrees with people like Kerry Higgins, a female world champion, staring at you funny behind a polite smile because I so obviously was/am a n00b with a look of "awh" on my face. But I felt so privlaged at the opportunity. Before I came here I was experiencing a lot of depression from lack of structure and purpose as a human in life, but this place gives me meaning. I have done some volunteering here that has opened up a can of opportunities as well. For example this weekend is the Single Speed World Championships are in Durango. My friend Kate Shavel and me are coarse marshaling. Its fun to be a part of the action and you get to meet a lot of people.

Along with class, studying and homework, training, volunteering, socializing, and racing, I am trying to find a job. So far the only offer I have is at McDonalds... LAAAME. But hey. Money is money.

Kind of Depressing

2009-07-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and just feel depressed? Like you are just a waste of space, time, breath, life...? Thats me. Almost daily. Sure some days I dont really notice. Really I dont feel at all some days. I just wake up and go ride. I put myself through massive amounts of pain on my bike and for what... I dont know? Just holding on to something I guess. Cant wait to go to school. Need the structure. Life... hmm haah!

The Essay I Wrote for the Cycling Scholorship at FLC

2009-06-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

I stood in my birthday dress with ribbons in my crimped red hair anxiously staring at my new two-wheeled toy all pretty and pink with sparkling tassel-bar ends. I immediately took it out, too impatient to wait for someone to teach me how it all worked. I vividly remember gaining speed going down a hill and panicking when seeing what seemed to be a 10 foot curb in front of me. I clearly didn’t understand the concept of coaster breaks or turning, and bam! I "end-o'ed" over the curb on my cute new bike and busted up the bones in my chin. That experience put a fear in me, and riding a bike was something I wouldn’t be doing again until my early teens.
At the beginning of my sophomore year in high school I had been training for my first marathon when two of my friends were telling me about how they would be riding bicycles 100 miles with their dads. Always up for a new adventure, I was intrigued and said I would like to give it a try. These guys didn’t seem to have much confidence in my abilities, but I signed up online and borrowed some old steel frame bicycle with mustache handle bars, down tube shifters, and a tattered Brooke’s saddle. I bought myself some “padded butt shorts," got a ride down with the boys and was off on my 100 mile journey. It was hot, it was hard, and it hurt really badly, but I did it. AND I did it faster than the nay-sayers. (Goes to show you don’t tell this red head she can’t do something.) I spent the whole next week at school loving my tan lines and feeling liberated!
My first century made me hopelessly infatuated with the bicycle and had me frequently visiting the cafe of a local bike shop. One day a friend who worked there rolled out a sexy Italian, fully lugged, steel, sea-foam green, Bianchi bicycle, and said, “You’re going to race on this next week at the Ogden cash criterium!” This is how my racing got started. I got dropped, learned a little about pain, did a road race, got dropped, did more local crits, got closer to not getting dropped, and Whoa! I didn’t get dropped! With subsequent time and technical practice, I overcame my irrational fear of curbs. I learned a lot about tactics, was given a Carmichael Training Systems book (The Ultimate Ride), and started on my path of gaining speed and fitness. This was one of the happiest periods of my life.
My high school graduation came and I thought a grand adventure would help me escape certain heartaches and problems, so I moved to France to be a nanny. I was excited to have that adventure. However, I encountered a lot of red tape, dealt with several instances of miscommunication and misunderstandings, and faced some unexpected financial issues. I wasn't at all sorry for having taken that leap, but I was also happy to return to my extremely beautiful home in Ogden, Utah where I could again ride a bike.
Upon my return I was still dealing with circumstances I needed to overcome. I found that commuting and racing CycloCross on my single speed Specialized was what gave me a reason to keep plugging away through the cold Utah winter and through my mist of dense, confusing change. I had a few good friends that frequently reminded me to not take myself so seriously and to look at my situation with some perspective while others were tempting me with temporary fixes. I had a lot to decide about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
It was during my first CycloCross state championships that it came time for me to make an important decision. I remember it vividly. I was jockeying for 1st place in the women’s B category. I could practically hear my legs and lungs screaming and see my heart's maxed pulse on the course in front of me. I could feel the energy of onlookers and my competitors hunting me all while my mind was rapidly disputing whether or not I would give into my tremendous physical pain; Was I going to give in to the phobia of a curb, to the heart break of broken relationships, to the hurt of failure, being poor, having a difficult family situation, negativity, pressure? — No way!! I wanted to see my cup as half full, and use my challenges as an opportunity to rise and soar on the wings of my dreams.
I am now more stable in my independence and am both honored and excited to have the opportunity to continue my education and racing at Fort Lewis College. Cycling has become my passion and a way for me to express my deepest joys. I cherish the comfort of its community, and I thrive on the opportunity to improve myself physically, emotionally, and academically. I am choosing to major in sports science and business because one day I would like partake in running a cool bike shop or training system where I can continually give back to cycling what it has given to me on and off the saddle.

On the threshold to a new chapter in my young life...

2009-06-12T15:14:00.001-07:00

I was just recently accepted to attend Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO where I will be furthering my education and RACING! Yes, that’s right. I will be racing under well known coach Matt Shriver. Check out there page. http://cycling.fortlewis.edu/ I am just a little anxious for this next chapter of my life. I am mostly ready for it though I should think. I am registered for classes, I’ve submitted my FAFSA forms for student aid, and written a scholarship essay. In the mean while I am trying to earn some cash so that I can pay for my housing (the first year I have to live on campus) and other expenses of getting there. (On that note; need someone to cut your lawn, wash your dishes… give me a few bucks and I would love too)…
ANY ways in the meanwhile, I am training and racing. I just recently received my upgrade into the pro 1-2-3s. I raced my first race as a 3 at the Sugar House Crit. I did an attack on request of a teammate a tad too early, was counter attacked, and got dropped. Disappointed with the result I decided to jump in and race with the mens 3s. Heck, why not? I hung with them very impressively until the race officials called the prime lap… It was only five laps in, but I had had my fun. Riding with the boys, I hate to say, was much cooler than riding with the gals… But that’s another story. My teammate Jamie pulled a fantastic sprint finish and finished 3rd!
I took the next race, The Garden Creek Gap off to help. I was the follow car for the women’s 1-2-3s and learned a lot about my competitors. Luckily there were no flats. The one crash that occurred was minor and the girls involved in it got back on their bikes and finished the race. Very impressive.
I got on my bike again the next weekend for the State TT. Although I don’t have an aero helmet or bars I managed to scrounge up a helmet…no bars but, I got out there and killed it… or got killed to be more accurate. I had to make do with no aero bars. I think I gave my legs to Karen and that’s why she dominated the field, I came in at 47 minutes for a 30 k. And considering my power was zapped I was satisfied with the result. I really had to push myself mentally and had my first experience of real tunnel vision… It was insane. …
BUT I learned from my TT experience that I am experiencing what cyclist call “burn out” or “Over Training” So I took a much needed recovery week with slower tempo rides. The recent decision of Utah weather to no longer be a desert, but a rainy oasis, helped keep me off the bike as well, but only sent me on the trails to run where I tweeked my knee. However it is healing quickly. And I plan to start a more structured training plan this week so that I can peak my fitness and speed for when I race Twilight. (Twilight is a pro NRC points criterium race in Boise, ID.) So with the advice of my knowledgeable friend Chuck I should be ready to rock!
All of the training I do this summer I am sure will only help my success at Fort Lewis. Matt Shriver will be my coach. I will have a month to month training plan set up by him. I am most excited that I may have the opportunity to be racing on the track. Matt says that a few team members will be sent to Colorado Springs to train on the velodrome of the Olympic Training Center. Then from there he will be choosing a team to take to Pennsylvania to race on the honcho track there. This will be a great opportunity for me. Because racing on the track could be a door for me to move up in the Cycling racing world I would like to get on one even before I make the final move to Durango. So I am thinking that after Twilight in Boise I may continue on the road up to Oregon where I could perhaps race on the track there.….
The term starts August 31st so I will be leaving for school a week in advance. I am still unsure of how I will get there, but I know something will work out. I am anxious, nervous, afraid, and excited while I stand on the threshold to this new chapter of my life, but am greatful for the blessing and opportunities cycling continues to give me on and off the bike.

I will find my fears and face them...

2009-05-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

Like anyone else I fear failure. I want things to be a certain way. I dream and do what I can to make my dreams reality. But what happens when they dont. Panic grips my body-- my hearts a humming bird. But, I will find my fears and face them. Look failure in the face and not cower. Come what may. I'll ride away... ride away...

Bear Lake RR

2009-05-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

Oohhh! the lake of Bears, the Bears of a Lake, and that darned 52 mile loop around it. Doing that lap in a Team Time Trial (TTT).... you might as well be... well, ...mauled by a bear, lake that is....

Okay, so I'll try to make some sense now.... The Bear Lake road race was a blast! I won the RR and that gave me enough points to upgrade so now I will be racing the pro women 1-2-3s. Eeeeeks! I loved being there. I meat tons of cool people, and team mates. We finally got our super women kits. They look great. I'll let you know how my first 1-2-3 race goes after words.

A State Criterium Champion

2009-05-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

The alarm went off at 6:06 am. I was anxious to hop out of bed. I would be taking the train to SLC at 7:10am. So I had to force feed myself quickly, (I always do this race morning. I get nervous and have to gag down the much needed carbs and cals.) chamois up, check my air preasure and roll out. It was a tad chilly, but a beautiful morning that promised a nice day. The train station was buzzing with people going about there Saturday business. Runners also taking the train to Salt Lake for the Find the Cure run that thousands attend. I got to my destination downtown where the State Champion Crit would be taking place. It too was buzzing with people. Runners, bikers, and your morning coffee drinkers lined the sidewalks and baracaded roads (not to mention your typical downtown wierdos, hobos...lol.)

Our 4 corner lap was around Pioneer park. (next to the new SLC Bingham Cyclery and my much favored authentic Italian cafe/market Tony Capputos). I went about signing in, pinning my number on my jersey, warming up, mingling a tiny bit, and then lining up.... aware of my coarse, competitors, and onlookers... GO!

The Ski Utah women started doing short bursts and attacks. But nothing that I couldnt do too. I was feeling pretty good. I thought since they were playing a bit that we could all "play" together and start a break. I went to lead it out looked back.... and bam. Wait... where did they go? They were gone. It was only the 3rd lap in and I felt I was in danger of being cought since we had a good 30 minutes left and I was all alone, no way of drafting myself, If I let up at all they could catch me and I would be in danger of losing.....

Each lap the crowd got louder. Cheering my name, telling me to dig deep, that I looked good...... I pedald hard out of every corner, regaining any lost speed from turning.... I talked to my aching legs, chanting motivating thoughts to my pounding airobic system.... I was thriving on the crowds energy. People I didnt even know cheering me on. The announcer screamed it every lap. "Stephanie Falls. Right Here..... Attacking off the front, starting a break..... All alone. I dont know if they will catch her...... Loook at our Cat 4 women State Champion! Here she is with 8 laps to go!"..... Wait what!? 8 laps to go! What!? Eight more. UGH! OWE. But I had to do it. I could see the group two corners behind me trying to gain.

I had to pedal faster, harder, smoother. If I was hurting, so were they. And I had made the choice, through all of my struggle mentally, emotionally, and with me.... That all of my everything can go into cycling..... AND Only 8 laps. What else do I live for? Go go Go GO! I was doing it! I was doing this. Becoming a state champion. A year ago I only dreamed of it. And now I was DOING IT! I felt like I was in take off. And when I crossed the finish line first... a door had opened even more and for a moment I was soaring on the wings of that dream... of a dream. I am a Utah State Criterium Champion!

Thank you for everyone who cheered me on and who shared that amazing moment of my life with me!

ICE ICE BABY

2009-05-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

This 2009 road season is my first real season of racing. I am on a team with a friend that I met when I got a little bit more into the sport in 2008. Her name is Diane Evans (aka Pink Lightning.) I owe her more thank you and praise than any other cyclist I have met. This lady simply kicks butt at racing, at life, and at being my friend. If it werent for her I wouldnt be as progressed with my racing. She has been there for me through the hardest moments of my life (cyclocross), forgiven me for my weaknesses, and made me more knowledgeable in our sport and opened more doors for me than most anyone. But thats something I probably get into more detail about later.

The point of this blog today is to post my results for the couple of races I have done this season with the jersey of ICE on my back. Thank you all of my sponsors!

The Hell of the North SLC, UT--I started a break accidentally in the first lap. Tayler Wiles was the only one that could manage to stay with me and worked together the other 22 miles of the race. It was truely hellacious do to the fact that 1.5 miles of it was on a dirt road, it was snowing/raining, and it was only 35 degrees. ... We lost the group almost effortlessy, Tayler got me on the line and beat me by no more than an 1/8th of a second. 2nd Place!

Tour of the Depot Tooele, UT-- My first stage race ever! It wasnt as warm as I would have liked it to be, but it didnt rain so I was happy. I had never Time Trialed before in my life and didnt have a TT bike but managed to do great by just riding on my elbows. Rocky (the name of my rocky mountain, super dope, all carbon road bike) and I managed 3rd place in the first stage... 23:44 some odd minutes with a 3 mile climb out of the total 9 miles. The second stage was a 5 mile circuit that we only did 3 laps on. My team mate and I planned some tactics that would get me off the front in the last lap that worked magically. However I pulled two others with me to the finish and once again Tayler Wiles got me on the line by a fraction of a second. 2nd place. In the 49 mile road race, the third stage, I didnt start out feeling good at all, however after like 4 gu gel packs and a lot of sports drink I got a burst of energy around mile 25, bunny hopped a cattle gaurd and broke on the decent with two others. Tayler Wiles and Margret, a masters 35+ plus women. We hauled apples for the other half, worked a hefy pace line, and lost the group. The only things I seemed to know for sure through my aching legs was that that day, Tayler would be the one pulling ME to the line. We all did our fair share of work, but at the finish the smartest man (or woman, in this case) wins! I took first and got a time bonus that in the final results only put me a second behind Tayler Wiles who just last week upgraded to the Cat1-2-3 Women and is placing top 10... I'll let you figure what that may mean for me...

I am now points leader after just two races and think that if I can put it in the sack the next couple of weekends I will be swimming with the big dogs... okay... more like drowing with the big dogs. But I guess it doesnt hurt to just put myself out there. ....... WELL it does hurt, a lot actually, but you got to do it sometime. You catch my draft?? (no pun intended) Might as well enjoy being able to place well while I still can. Lol. I am a bit nervy about upgrading because I am still a newb, but figure I have a lot of peoples support and that it wont hurt for me to learn to talk with my legs rather than my mouth.

The State Criterium Championships are this weekend. I will keep you posted. Thanks all!

Liberation in the journey, not the destination.

2009-05-07T18:30:00.001-07:00

If you havnt cought on yet. I am a cyclist. Not only do I love cycling, I live for cycling. And it all began when I was 15... I had some great idea that biking one hundred miles on a really old rivendale with mustache handle bars, and a tattered brookes sattle would be fun.... even though I had never ridden more than a total of 10 miles in my life! But turns out the sunburn and discomfort made me feel liberated and would only be the begining to what I would soon be devoting a couple or so years of my life to. It was the spark that got the fire burning for FireCross! (dont laugh because it really is my race name...) Although I couldnt afford a bike until a couple months ago I managed to borrow one every now and then and would "liberate myself" for a few hours. In 2008 I met a guy through a friend that happened to be a mechanic of a Utah bike shop. We started dating and one day he busted out an old steel frame Italian Bianchi and informed me, "You're racing this this week." I was up for a challenge and never one to really shut the door on an opportunity... So I rolled out to Ogdens cash crit and got dropped in the first lap of the C flight. The boyfriend let me borrow the bike for the duration of 3 months (thats as long as the relationship could last. :/ ... lol) So I continued doing the weekly cash crits and gradually progressed, started truly expanding my cycling network, fitness, knowledge, and love. (I named the Bianchi, Biancha. I would even talk to her... we had a deep relationship.... lol. Clearly I grow attatched to my bicycles.) But on Biancha I also completed my first road race. It took place in some windy place up in Idaho called the Garden Creek Gap.... (a climbing coarse to put it lightly) That was what I would consider the harshest intro to road racing one could ever recieve. Not only was Biancha a tad heavy (27.68lbs) compaired to the fancy full carbon 15lb bike I have now, but I got dropped in the first 5 miles, having never really climbed more than 1 mile in my life at the Cat 4 women race pace, and just flat out had no idea something could hurt so bad (even running a marathon wasnt that bad!) Not to mention that there were 15 mph winds blowing a massive hail/rain storm that would dump on me the last 10 miles which also happened to be where the big climb was aka THE Gap! dun dun dun..... Ask anyone that was there that day, It flat out SUCKED.... But again. I finished and loved it (not dead last either!!.... A couple girls dropped out! lol.) SO case and point... I got hooked. Started reading books and practically did nothing but think and breath cycling to the point that it was unhealthy for me and my relationships with others. Through time I have gotten better at nurturing the other nessicary parts of my life, but still do everything for the passion I live for. Cycling.

The Hardest Part About Love

2009-05-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was asked the other day by a co worker what I thought the hardest part about love was. It was out of the blue and I was focused on a qwest customer problem so just answered crudely and said... well I shouldnt say it again because it was gross, but its not what I meant by any means. On my bike ride commute home I had some more time to think about it. Being that I just went through a fairly big breakup, I couldnt help not too as I rolled down the street staring at our beautiful mountains. (I get a great view of them and Ogden when I bike down 30th next to the Ogden Air Port everyday.) I realized the hardest part about love is failing it. The hardest part about love is when it is dragged down to fester with all of the other petty, dirty, meaningless, and condisending things in the world. Just the same as any out-of-this-world thing that is blurred by our black smog and polution, pushed aside, and taken for granted. Its almost immpossible to escape, but I am ready to find out what impossible means and soar above it on the wings of a dream.... I miss DGE... The hardest part about love is failing it.... losing it.

My! Oh! Town

2009-04-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

This city has raised me. It’s become part of me. The people, the mountains, its diversity, and insanity... even its naïveness is part of me. Just like this city I have thick LDS back ground, but am bursting at the seams for adventure, something better than I already am... full of flaws and this annoying chipper "I'm great" and "going places" attitude that is smothering to those who can’t keep up. But like this city I have made the decision to use what I already have and work with it. Make it better and hope that the bad things will inevitably rise with best of it. I hope that people look past the dirty neighborhoods and my weak points, wishing that if I could be forgiven for anything... It would be for being me... in love with life, love, my dreams, and the little pretty things that are too easily forgotten...

I have been looking for a place to call my home. And have found that as long as I have my bicycles... those two wheels... I am at home, but it is Ogden, what it contains, from Wall Avenue to Indians trail. With long loved soul-friends, passing tipsy strangers, and wise long lived trees... This place is as agreeable as spring, but as limiting as a dark winter. It’s just the way you look at it, what I want it to be for myself.... I have a soft enthusiastic place in my heart for this city.... but am aching to escape it, just so I can learn like I did my days in France, that it’s not where you are that makes you happy. It’s what you love.... and sharing that passion with others is the icing on the cake.... but I need to get out and find myself a little more... perfect me a little more, have my eyes peeled open, listen to the music in the wind. After all... all the answers are in the wind... I guess my point is that I love Ogden, but I have hurt here too... and I need to get away for a minute... I have ... A traveling bug. :P

Rolling out...

2009-04-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

A friend that is agreeable like spring has got me hooked on this blogging idea. I have always been a journal writer, but hey... why not spread the love with the whole net.... or something like that... Uh... SO. My real name is Stephanie. I was born and raised in Ogden, Utah. I have a love hate relationship with this place that I am sure you will be reading about later. I am a dedicated and passionate cycling enthusiast who enjoys an adventure, yummy food, a hot cup of tea, a shot of espresso, good friends, strolls in the sun, people watching, yoga, reading, laughing at the odd, out-of-my-hands things in life, traveling, and etc, etc...hik... okay... I think you get it. I am up for most anything as long as it doesnt clash to horribly with my red hair!... and morals. Thats my quick intro..... I guess. Later.