eat. pray. love

Although I thought that most people figure out a meaning to their life before their 30s I guess Julia Roberts didn't. ;)

Not sure how I feel about the movie. Although I did enjoy watching it and that it had some good points... In fact I kind of felt like I related to it, but only I was barely 18 when going through this faze of self discovery. When I had a serious bug to get out into the world and I had a broken heart that I thought France could miraculously mend. A series of events led me to eventual inner peace and agreement with "God" and the universe... I guess. The most basic thing I learned and wont ever forget is that life for me is good when I get to share it with the people I love and with the man I love. Every moment, fun or sad, lively or still, full of heartbreak or love... All are stunning, and full of meaning and greatness. AND I. LOVE. IT.

I am so bored. So bored I am on the verge of tears! Not to sound un thankful for all the good in my life, but um yeah. I can handle boredom every now and then. It even feels good every now and then to be bored as a reminder that not being bored is so much better! Stillness is a healthy practice, but too much of anything isn't, right? Over it. Cracked. I wish I was powerful enough to not let it bring me down, but it has. It really has. I want to hide it, but it comes through. I finally was able to purchase a bike, but it wont be here for TWO months. I don't know how I will last that long. I wish I were patient

Success...what a dumb word.

I was asked if I felt I was successful...

I feel I am "successful" even in "failure." Isn't what we measure our success by all a matter of how we, our selves, choose to think about it? I can choose to do a lot of things. I have made a lot of choices. They say that with every choice comes a consequence, but why is it that consequence sounds like a bad thing? It seems our society emphasizes the bad effects of bad decisions, but never the good ones. What about the only okay ones. And then why if something is "bad" do we say everything happens for a reason.

So here I am in my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I know loves me very much and tries always to help me be happy and who loves to share our happinesses together. And I feel that our relationship is "successful." But what an almost dumb question to ask someone. "Do you feel you are successful in life?" I believe that having a successful life is finding the beauty of life in the journey of each of my days instead of all the different destination I wish I had reached and forgetting all the ones I have. My consequences have brought me here? Yes I tell myself... And even though I look at my desire to learn French or race a bike... It is not to say that I will never do these things again, just that for now, they must wait.... But I will dream on. And I will always have "it". It as in happiness, success, money, or whatever society claims it be... Whatever.

Drink coffee! Do Stupidi things faster and with more energy!!!!

Seriously... Seriously... I am not going to lie. I have been getting so bored with Durango Lately... Living here and not riding is painful. Haha. My job at the mountain is glorious, but I would love it so much more if I even knew how to ski and owned skis. Working here is great though in comparison to mcdonalds! Just working with clients and people of a higher moral is so uplifting and motivating. Working here has helped me become confident in myself again in being able to eventually pursue my career goals as a flight attendant, and even in my abbilities to get a job in CT so I can be with Alister over the summer! Its strange the things I do to be with him instead of on my own riding, and playing.

I remember everyday that I feel bad that I cant ride a bike, that the lonliness I was feeling with that material item was still joyful, but that its not the same as sharing joy with your best, most loved friend, my Alister. Making the sacrifice is worth it and will pay off in the end. For now I am okay with just drinking my coffee to help me do stupid things faster and with more energy!

So now I work work work! To make money and pay my bills and buy flights to cali then CT then back to cali, then back to Durango! My brother Allan finally proposed to Farrah and it looks like they will be having an August wedding in Mexico! Farrah has asked me to be a brides maid! So hence the desire to fly out to visit them in May to help with wedding plans! After that I would like to fly to Connecticut to start working a simple summer job as Alister races around. As long as I can support Alister in his cycling I feel like I am still involved with cycling and that makes me happy! In July Alisters brother Scott is marrying Kari in New Jersey. When August comes we will then fly to San Diego to meet up with Farrah and Allan and drive down with them to there Mexico wedding!!!! Aaand at some point a long the way I will pick up a bike to fill some of my spare time riding in CT, plus I will need some mode of transportation to get to work, right?

Home is where your heart is....

I don't have a bike right now. In fact I haven't ridden since super week in July.... I sold my bike to pay off the credit card I originally used to purchase my first rocky mountain. It had just gotten to the point that I wasn't able to make my payments on it and it was sent to collections and gaining interest super fast. So it came to the point where I decided that my obsession and love for riding wasn't more important than me always putting myself in a bad financial situation, but I wont lie... Now that it is mid January, I miss it, and I mean I miss it a LOT!

But regardless Alister and I still find a way to do what makes us happy and nothing brings true happiness like being with loved family and friends! For thanks giving we were in Utah visiting my interesting family!

And for Christmas and New Years we were in Connecticut! It marked our first of many lovely Christmases together! I got this cute necklace

While on our mini holiday vaca back east we had a day in New York. The highlights definitely starting with Carlos Bakery! You know! CAKE BOSS??? TLC??? Yeah. My fave! And boy oh boy oh BOY! Was it just as good as I had hoped!

We got LUCKY. Normally its a three hour wait just to get into the place, but for us none. It was slow and the place was all ours due the huge storm keeping all the other so called fans inside! We didn't see buddy, but we saw Joey and Marlo! Not to sound like I was fame struck but Joey made eye contact with me more than once!!! I couldn't bring myself to ask for a pic though! The canolis were as delicious as Buddy makes them sound and same with all the other goods we got!


But upon our return its been go time! Alister and I quit our awful corporate jobs and have been working on starting a cleaning business while I also started a new position at the Durango Ski Resort. There I work at the deli! Its a lot different than McDonalds! The clients are a heck of a lot nicer and I make tips on top of the already few dollar higher hourly wage than McD's!! Not to forget the free ski pass to a very beautiful ski resort!

Stuperweek, an A-Man, Bike Love, & Devils Kitchen.....

Sorry for the delayed updateage....

After a summer of traveling all over the more eastern part of the US living out of my suitcase, working and racing at bike races, I was rethinking my love of the Sport. Superweek for me wasn't super in the good way, but a great learning experience still and a moment in my life that will always stick out in my mind. After my time there I greatly looked forward to time relaxing with my wonderful boyfriend and his beautiful family in Connecticut, DC, and NY. It was a fabulous trip to say the least and learned that I really love and am in love Alister Ratcliff.

But a week prior to returning to my beautiful newish home in the mountains of Durango, Colorado I was asked a question from our host at the Tour of Utah. She asked, " You love this sport don't you?" And I hesitated. I did... But then it really did come to me. While I watched sweet Alister suffer through the brutal stages of the Tour of Utah... In this sport it is all about how much you can suffer physically, one mistake or incident of bad luck with have you down and out of coming close to succeeding and then you blow. Lets just say its a good analogy of life. Like Rocky said. "Its not about how much you can get hit. Its about how hard you can get hit and hit back!" (its easier to think this when its not your lungs turning inside out and your body undergoing complete pain and stress) But yes. I love this sport for that reason. Because it has the endure the shit and pain in life and love the winnings and the work it takes to their sort of energy.

So although I am taking some time off of my personal racing and working the devils kitchen aka McDonalds to pay off my debts so that I can race my bike with less weight on my shoulders. Spend some time enjoying life thats not a bike so that when it is a bike... I can appreciate it more... Oh, and not to mention the great times I get to have with my friends and Alister.

Redlands and Tucson...

You know that almost exhausting yet invigorating feeling of taking flight as you pack the car and get out of town?? The chill late winter air was full of it as Alister and I made preparations for our bicycle racing vacation to Tucson, AZ and Redlands, CA. That morning we made a quick stop at our favorite breakfast joint in Durango, CO called Doughworks to get some homemade breakfast burritos and bagels. The morning light was breaking over the beautiful Durango Mountains and the yellow lines on the highway danced behind us as we drove west out of the snow and towards the valley of the sun… Arizona.

Tucson, AZ was our first destination. There Alister would be racing the Tucson Bicycle Classic. Kind of a shit show of a bike race, but it was warm out there in the cacti filled national parks. And we were happy to get some warm weather riding over gates, up lemon and around the race courses. The sun and warmth were super gratifying. Alister had a decent race as well. The race was proof that he was on good form for the Redlands Bicycle Classic (an NRC race with the big boys. Redlands for him could possibly mean being signed on to a pro team).

In Tucson we stayed in a house full of cyclists and a tri-athlete. Jon Chodroff, Thom Coupe, Jon Craig, and Kelsey Kooreman.

Jon Craig was from Nashville. He lived in the shed and cleaned the others bikes as rent…. And he drank a lot of coffee. He would go for long rides and sit at his favorite coffee shop for hours. Solid kid.

Thom Coupe looked like a beach boy to me, dirty blond surfer boy swoopy hair, but in all reality he was from New England and is Alister’s loyal and really strong teammate. A funny guy.

There were others who lived there, but were out of town during our visit on cycling business of sorts. The house was near the Tucson campus and downtown Avenue. We often made the “6 mile” walk down to University Avenue where there are lots of sweet cafés and restaurants. (really not even a mile walk, but Alister doesn’t like walking much…) A couple of my found favorites were Lindy’s a sweet burger bar with an awesome eating challenge, and Times, a euro style café, pizza, sandwich, gift, and exotic food…. Market with an outside patio with little birds that pooped on my phone, but the place was so cool, I didn’t even mind much.




After the races we would stroll over to the coffee shop where we would meet with FLC teammates and good friends, Yorgos, Russ, and Dossin to result stalk and talk about the races while enjoying a cup of tea and each other’s humorous company. Once on our “stroll” back to our host house from down town I was so joyous about life I did a cart wheel… and ripped my pants. Go me. Good thing it was dark. And good thing Alister already likes me. Ha.

Although I was not racing I spent the warm days in Arizona running and polishing up my base with long hours on the bike. I rode up Mount Lemon, Gates Pass, Tucson’s national parks, and around the ginormous sprawl of a place that Tucson is. Say “goodbye,” to pasty white red headed Colorado girl and “hello!” to my returned oh so flattering cycling tan lines! (not to be confused with farmer tan lines).

The time came that it was no longer California dreaming, but California FOR REALS! We said “asta luega,” to Tucson and “Surfs up!” to Cal-A-forn-I-A. Redlands, California was so beautiful I get giddy thinking about it, not to mention my mouth starts watering in memory of eating oranges right off the trees, and sitting at the coffee bean drinking my favorite “shit in a cup” or better known as the original blended mocha. Mmmmmm.

The first few days in California we were set up in a sweet hotel at the Courtyard Marriot thanks to a good friend. It should have cost us around $130 every night, but was more like $25. Sweet eh? I spent my days riding around Redlands while Alister practiced the courses for the races, and sitting by the pool playing cards and getting my tan on true California style. One day we went to the beach. I had seen the ocean from a distance, but never actually gone to the beach. Alister was a sweet heart and took me. I braved the cold ocean while all of the other riding buddies we were with chilled on the beach looking silly with their cycling tan lines.





Once the race came closer we checked out of our luxury hotel and headed to meet our hostess in Redlands. Her name was Tammie, She was a really sweet red headed lady! She helped me in the feed zones and was a total trooper with all the boys. Alister and I were the first ones to get to her place and the other riders started trickling in...

Thom Coupe, his teammate that was in Tucson with us was the first to join us.

Next we got to meet Christian Deshaies. Christian showed up in true fashion on the door step. Since he’s Canadian and speaks little English, he accidently ended up getting picked up by a seigneur of another composite team that was looking to pick up a “Chris” from the airport. Eventually they figured out he was the wrong one and that’s how he showed up on the doorstep. Christian was one crrrazzzy guy and full of laughs. He reminded me a lot of… Eddy Merckx. ;)
(insert picture of Christian)

Nathan Willson, a skinnier and smarter … kinda’ version of Russel Brown.

William Goodfellow, French Canadian

Jerome Townsend, a suntanning Goddess, I mean, God. ;)

Josh Bartlett… Don’t know how to sum that kid up

Robert Coble, Insane bike mechanic and team getter-shitter-together-doner-er-er-er. Saved our hineys from being a total cluster fuck.