Early June 2012 My fabulous sister in law competed in her first NPC Bikini competition and I saw her transform. Around that same time my boyfriends sister had sent me an email titled “20 things I wish I knew when I was 20” stating things like, “gain status through experiences and not temporary objects... travel while young, live frugal.” (You can read the entire list here http://inoveryourhead.net/20-things-i-should-have-known-at-20/) the number one thing that really hit me was the “get a six pack (or get fit) now” maybe because I felt I had been doing a pretty good job at all the others or that seeing how Farrah went from looking good to looking incredibly AMAZING had me craving abs. I had run a marathon, raced a bike, trained hard all through high school in multiple disciplines. I was what I considered to be a fit person, but never in my life have I been able to put on a bikini and look at myself in the mirror and honestly tell myself, “I look goooood.” I have never found an eating ritual that helped me look any better either. So me being me, the person that tends to jump into the unknown head first, told Farrah I wanted to do this and I wanted her help. Bring on that bikini. I felt it was time for me to reach that fitness of not just feeling fairly fit, but looking it too! Since she is my sister-in-law (and loves me) she was enthusiastic about helping me and to share her new passion and journey experiences with me.
I started hitting the gym consistently and had a meal plan that gave me structure from my usual I-ride-bikes-so-i-can-eat-whatever-I-want diet. I lost around 8 or 10 pounds in a month and felt more comfortable in my own skin than I had ever felt before. I was aiming to hit the stage for the first time November 17th, but then the opportunity to take a two week trip to Italy and the south of France came up that I couldn’t turn down (that was part of the 20 things to do in my 20’s too, right?!!) And there was no way I was going to take a trip to italy and not explore the local cuisine. I went there knowing it would set me back and that in order for me to be stage ready I would have to follow through with a pretty extreme depletion process.
This process was an area I never felt quit comfortable with, but I was willing to do what ever it took to prove to myself and the world that I could hit that stage and win a trophy. (not to be confused, everyone hits the stage doing some sort of cutting back on carbs and fats etc. To an extent it is still healthy.) I want to see me looking like Farrah! But after talking to people who have gone through the depletion process and doing some reading. I started to realize how much of a hole I would actually be digging for my health. (I have suffered from adrenal fatigue from over training in all of the sports I’ve done throughout my life, malnourishing that training, and my extreme love for coffee. My lil’ adrenals need some consistency for once!) I found myself in a daily mental battle with myself to stick to my meal plan, to not, to got to the gym for the second time of the day, to push out my competition date, or to marathon more netflix....
After 4 weeks of going back and forth with myself, feeling tired, stressed, unmotivated, unhappy; no amount of caffein could pump me up, and I was constantly irritated at anything and everyone for breathing weird or for simply existing... I was losing me, happy, bubbly, enthusiastic, me. I thought I could push through it, but on the first day of my depletion and after my three workouts of feeling terrible, I sat in my boyfriends lap , on the verge of tears, and told him how I felt. (I’m surprised he let me sit there since I have done nothing but snap at him for the last 3 weeks over nothing) I told him how I wanted to be on stage and look great, but how I wanted to not just look great on stage, but always. (heck, I want to feel great too! I wasnt feeling great) I felt that going through the depletion, yes I could probably win a trophy, but I would gain all my weight back and put my body in a state that I believe would take longer for me to recoup from. Thus putting me a step backwards instead of forward to achieving my goal of a more fit body always, not just for the stage. So why do it? Because I’m to proud to tell people I’m not doing it anymore? Scared that they’ll look at me and not understand and think I am a quitter? Yeah, but thats is dumb, right? The stage isn't going anywhere. So after I got over myself I came to terms that pushing my show date out was just common sense and the smart thing to do. I want to work towards my long term goal. I am a fool to count this as failure, and would be wise to count it as a victory over my stubborn mindset. I know I can do drastic hard things, I’ve done all that kind of crap in the past. I am ready to focus on a health goal and do it the healthy way for once. I want a lifestyle of health so my body can transform to looking more stage ready all the time and not just because I put myself through an insane depravation process, but because I stuck to a goal for longer than 20 weeks and was patient and consistent for a span of years.
That being said, I want to thank again, my fair Farrah for helping me make the smart decision, and for having my back either way. You motivate and inspire me to be the most powerful woman (mind and body) that I can be. Thank you.
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