a place called Brugge.

When I found out I would be moving to Belgium I was struck with several emotions of excitement and fear. First excited to be that much closer to my much beloved country of France and to live in EUROPE, but then pure fear of the struggles of grey rainy Belgium skies, running into red tape and financial trouble scares me. Will I get to study French? Will I get super depressed and fat during the rainy winter and spring? Ugh. I cant afford a european gym pass or competing in european bikini competition. Will I be able to ride? What if I hate it? The last two weeks I have been stuck on this wicked daymare (like a nightmare, but daymare...?) What if I am just stuck in mine and Alister’s Brugge studio apartment watching the rain trickle down the window feeling sad and alone and dreamless while Alister is off traveling all over Europe racing a bike... following his dream..... 

Most don’t count me for the type to do such a thing, but I only say this, because I’ve been there. I don’t do well with grey skies. I was born a summer baby and thus a natural sun-ray vitamin D junkie. Finally today I had an epiphany (While on a bike ride of under blue skies in Durango of course). I realized I've was focusing my worry in the wrong place. I finally came to the conclusion to pat myself on the back for working so hard to lose some fat and gain some muscle to look awesome in a shiney green bikini on stage under the spot light, BUT that could wait. That CAN wait. I have belgium to work hard at now. I was focusing way to many of my thoughts on the negative possibilities and decided I would OBVIOUSly be better off making a mental list of all the positive ones. Yes. I could suffer from some grey sky gloominess, and might be tight on money, but I know in my heart that the cool opportunities are going to far out weigh any of the downs. I will learn a lot, even if it might not be French, Belgium Chocolate, Cycling spring classics basically out my doorstep to watch, lots of really cool historical places also right outside my door that I can go see.  I will get to live in Europe, in a cycling mecca. Cycling is my passion. For some reason this obnoxious doped fiend cycling world makes me happy. When I am near it, I meet people I consider my extended family, I get to do cool things that make my endorphins ignite and I feel unstoppable. I believe that if I knock on a few of the doors of opportunity that I know will be presented to me, they will open up to a whole bunch of awesomeness. 

I just have to stop being so dam mean to myself and face the fact that this in all actuality is going to rock. Belgium might keep me off the stage a little while longer, but it wont keep me from staying positive and focused on eating a balanced clean diet and taking care of my health and fitness.  And it shouldn't stop me from feeding my mind with positive thoughts either. After all positive thoughts manifest positive things.