Astonishing

Just back from an early Thanksgiving trip to Ogden with Alister. I had a blast seeing my family and a lot of my Ogden friends. After our week there I didn’t want to come home! I liked staying with my brothers and sister-in-law Farrah. Farrah is my favorite gym buddy ever. I liked hanging out with my mommy and feeling the always welcoming hugs from my friends in the cycling community there. I feel like I belong there, like I am part of something special. I miss that. Even though the oh so loving arms of Alister are enough for me anywhere... I will be lonely when he is off racing around the world next season. I am so excited for him, but I will miss him. I am hoping I can use that time apart to pursue some of my own dreams and goals. I want to use and consider that time a good thing where I can self improve, become stronger and better for Alister... for me, for us. I’m sure he will do the same.
From past experience I feel like the lonely periods in my life were one of the best ways I really began to learn about myself. When I felt alone I was forced to really look deep into my emotions, my actions, feelings and my beliefs. Working through those things allowed me to come out brighter, happier, better and more aware than before.
Now dont get me wrong here. I am not excited to go through that lonely feeling again. I know how much it can hurt having my reality torn in two and feeling like I have to face the world alone, but I think that just from past experiences I am predicting to much and expecting it to be bad, but who am I to say what the future holds. I dont want to be scared going into these changes. I want to be excited. Not anxious, but just thrilled to have the life I have and positive about my future whatever it may hold. Lonely or not. I want it to be astonishing.