I will find my fears and face them...

Like anyone else I fear failure. I want things to be a certain way. I dream and do what I can to make my dreams reality. But what happens when they dont. Panic grips my body-- my hearts a humming bird. But, I will find my fears and face them. Look failure in the face and not cower. Come what may. I'll ride away... ride away...

Bear Lake RR

Oohhh! the lake of Bears, the Bears of a Lake, and that darned 52 mile loop around it. Doing that lap in a Team Time Trial (TTT).... you might as well be... well, ...mauled by a bear, lake that is....


Okay, so I'll try to make some sense now.... The Bear Lake road race was a blast! I won the RR and that gave me enough points to upgrade so now I will be racing the pro women 1-2-3s. Eeeeeks! I loved being there. I meat tons of cool people, and team mates. We finally got our super women kits. They look great. I'll let you know how my first 1-2-3 race goes after words.

A State Criterium Champion

The alarm went off at 6:06 am. I was anxious to hop out of bed. I would be taking the train to SLC at 7:10am. So I had to force feed myself quickly, (I always do this race morning. I get nervous and have to gag down the much needed carbs and cals.) chamois up, check my air preasure and roll out. It was a tad chilly, but a beautiful morning that promised a nice day. The train station was buzzing with people going about there Saturday business. Runners also taking the train to Salt Lake for the Find the Cure run that thousands attend. I got to my destination downtown where the State Champion Crit would be taking place. It too was buzzing with people. Runners, bikers, and your morning coffee drinkers lined the sidewalks and baracaded roads (not to mention your typical downtown wierdos, hobos...lol.)

Our 4 corner lap was around Pioneer park. (next to the new SLC Bingham Cyclery and my much favored authentic Italian cafe/market Tony Capputos). I went about signing in, pinning my number on my jersey, warming up, mingling a tiny bit, and then lining up.... aware of my coarse, competitors, and onlookers... GO!

The Ski Utah women started doing short bursts and attacks. But nothing that I couldnt do too. I was feeling pretty good. I thought since they were playing a bit that we could all "play" together and start a break. I went to lead it out looked back.... and bam. Wait... where did they go? They were gone. It was only the 3rd lap in and I felt I was in danger of being cought since we had a good 30 minutes left and I was all alone, no way of drafting myself, If I let up at all they could catch me and I would be in danger of losing.....

Each lap the crowd got louder. Cheering my name, telling me to dig deep, that I looked good...... I pedald hard out of every corner, regaining any lost speed from turning.... I talked to my aching legs, chanting motivating thoughts to my pounding airobic system.... I was thriving on the crowds energy. People I didnt even know cheering me on. The announcer screamed it every lap. "Stephanie Falls. Right Here..... Attacking off the front, starting a break..... All alone. I dont know if they will catch her...... Loook at our Cat 4 women State Champion! Here she is with 8 laps to go!"..... Wait what!? 8 laps to go! What!? Eight more. UGH! OWE. But I had to do it. I could see the group two corners behind me trying to gain.

I had to pedal faster, harder, smoother. If I was hurting, so were they. And I had made the choice, through all of my struggle mentally, emotionally, and with me.... That all of my everything can go into cycling..... AND Only 8 laps. What else do I live for? Go go Go GO! I was doing it! I was doing this. Becoming a state champion. A year ago I only dreamed of it. And now I was DOING IT! I felt like I was in take off. And when I crossed the finish line first... a door had opened even more and for a moment I was soaring on the wings of that dream... of a dream. I am a Utah State Criterium Champion!

Thank you for everyone who cheered me on and who shared that amazing moment of my life with me!

ICE ICE BABY

This 2009 road season is my first real season of racing. I am on a team with a friend that I met when I got a little bit more into the sport in 2008. Her name is Diane Evans (aka Pink Lightning.) I owe her more thank you and praise than any other cyclist I have met. This lady simply kicks butt at racing, at life, and at being my friend. If it werent for her I wouldnt be as progressed with my racing. She has been there for me through the hardest moments of my life (cyclocross), forgiven me for my weaknesses, and made me more knowledgeable in our sport and opened more doors for me than most anyone. But thats something I probably get into more detail about later.

The point of this blog today is to post my results for the couple of races I have done this season with the jersey of ICE on my back. Thank you all of my sponsors!

The Hell of the North SLC, UT--I started a break accidentally in the first lap. Tayler Wiles was the only one that could manage to stay with me and worked together the other 22 miles of the race. It was truely hellacious do to the fact that 1.5 miles of it was on a dirt road, it was snowing/raining, and it was only 35 degrees. ... We lost the group almost effortlessy, Tayler got me on the line and beat me by no more than an 1/8th of a second. 2nd Place!

Tour of the Depot Tooele, UT-- My first stage race ever! It wasnt as warm as I would have liked it to be, but it didnt rain so I was happy. I had never Time Trialed before in my life and didnt have a TT bike but managed to do great by just riding on my elbows. Rocky (the name of my rocky mountain, super dope, all carbon road bike) and I managed 3rd place in the first stage... 23:44 some odd minutes with a 3 mile climb out of the total 9 miles. The second stage was a 5 mile circuit that we only did 3 laps on. My team mate and I planned some tactics that would get me off the front in the last lap that worked magically. However I pulled two others with me to the finish and once again Tayler Wiles got me on the line by a fraction of a second. 2nd place. In the 49 mile road race, the third stage, I didnt start out feeling good at all, however after like 4 gu gel packs and a lot of sports drink I got a burst of energy around mile 25, bunny hopped a cattle gaurd and broke on the decent with two others. Tayler Wiles and Margret, a masters 35+ plus women. We hauled apples for the other half, worked a hefy pace line, and lost the group. The only things I seemed to know for sure through my aching legs was that that day, Tayler would be the one pulling ME to the line. We all did our fair share of work, but at the finish the smartest man (or woman, in this case) wins! I took first and got a time bonus that in the final results only put me a second behind Tayler Wiles who just last week upgraded to the Cat1-2-3 Women and is placing top 10... I'll let you figure what that may mean for me...

I am now points leader after just two races and think that if I can put it in the sack the next couple of weekends I will be swimming with the big dogs... okay... more like drowing with the big dogs. But I guess it doesnt hurt to just put myself out there. ....... WELL it does hurt, a lot actually, but you got to do it sometime. You catch my draft?? (no pun intended) Might as well enjoy being able to place well while I still can. Lol. I am a bit nervy about upgrading because I am still a newb, but figure I have a lot of peoples support and that it wont hurt for me to learn to talk with my legs rather than my mouth.

The State Criterium Championships are this weekend. I will keep you posted. Thanks all!

Liberation in the journey, not the destination.

If you havnt cought on yet. I am a cyclist. Not only do I love cycling, I live for cycling. And it all began when I was 15... I had some great idea that biking one hundred miles on a really old rivendale with mustache handle bars, and a tattered brookes sattle would be fun.... even though I had never ridden more than a total of 10 miles in my life! But turns out the sunburn and discomfort made me feel liberated and would only be the begining to what I would soon be devoting a couple or so years of my life to. It was the spark that got the fire burning for FireCross! (dont laugh because it really is my race name...) Although I couldnt afford a bike until a couple months ago I managed to borrow one every now and then and would "liberate myself" for a few hours. In 2008 I met a guy through a friend that happened to be a mechanic of a Utah bike shop. We started dating and one day he busted out an old steel frame Italian Bianchi and informed me, "You're racing this this week." I was up for a challenge and never one to really shut the door on an opportunity... So I rolled out to Ogdens cash crit and got dropped in the first lap of the C flight. The boyfriend let me borrow the bike for the duration of 3 months (thats as long as the relationship could last. :/ ... lol) So I continued doing the weekly cash crits and gradually progressed, started truly expanding my cycling network, fitness, knowledge, and love. (I named the Bianchi, Biancha. I would even talk to her... we had a deep relationship.... lol. Clearly I grow attatched to my bicycles.) But on Biancha I also completed my first road race. It took place in some windy place up in Idaho called the Garden Creek Gap.... (a climbing coarse to put it lightly) That was what I would consider the harshest intro to road racing one could ever recieve. Not only was Biancha a tad heavy (27.68lbs) compaired to the fancy full carbon 15lb bike I have now, but I got dropped in the first 5 miles, having never really climbed more than 1 mile in my life at the Cat 4 women race pace, and just flat out had no idea something could hurt so bad (even running a marathon wasnt that bad!) Not to mention that there were 15 mph winds blowing a massive hail/rain storm that would dump on me the last 10 miles which also happened to be where the big climb was aka THE Gap! dun dun dun..... Ask anyone that was there that day, It flat out SUCKED.... But again. I finished and loved it (not dead last either!!.... A couple girls dropped out! lol.) SO case and point... I got hooked. Started reading books and practically did nothing but think and breath cycling to the point that it was unhealthy for me and my relationships with others. Through time I have gotten better at nurturing the other nessicary parts of my life, but still do everything for the passion I live for. Cycling.

The Hardest Part About Love

I was asked the other day by a co worker what I thought the hardest part about love was. It was out of the blue and I was focused on a qwest customer problem so just answered crudely and said... well I shouldnt say it again because it was gross, but its not what I meant by any means. On my bike ride commute home I had some more time to think about it. Being that I just went through a fairly big breakup, I couldnt help not too as I rolled down the street staring at our beautiful mountains. (I get a great view of them and Ogden when I bike down 30th next to the Ogden Air Port everyday.) I realized the hardest part about love is failing it. The hardest part about love is when it is dragged down to fester with all of the other petty, dirty, meaningless, and condisending things in the world. Just the same as any out-of-this-world thing that is blurred by our black smog and polution, pushed aside, and taken for granted. Its almost immpossible to escape, but I am ready to find out what impossible means and soar above it on the wings of a dream.... I miss DGE... The hardest part about love is failing it.... losing it.