Versailles....

One spring a few years ago I entered the gates for the first time. The gates to the Gardens; The Gardens of Versailles. Bigger and grander than I even knew. Angelic marble statues of men and women lined the paths to the pretty fountains. The air was crisp and the new leaves sounded like the earths breath as they brushed each other. Perfect white clouds painted the blue canvas of the sky. Swans gliding in the water and a girl riding a white horse on the trail arched with ancient trees. Was this real? Now, the memory, so distant feels only like nothing but a dream. If heaven were a blueprint of my imagination it would be like the Gardens of Versailles.

photos of the last few weeks.

the sunset in Moab while we were driving home from Ogden.

for halloween we dressed up like this... we're good for each other right?


we did a weekend trip to Moab. Alister's first time. Arches was awesome. He is the black dot under delicate.


We went to Utah for an early Thanksgiving! I loved getting to spend time with my favorite little kiddos.
my lil nephew Cody and Neice Charlette. You can see why I love them so much, right?

Astonishing

Just back from an early Thanksgiving trip to Ogden with Alister. I had a blast seeing my family and a lot of my Ogden friends. After our week there I didn’t want to come home! I liked staying with my brothers and sister-in-law Farrah. Farrah is my favorite gym buddy ever. I liked hanging out with my mommy and feeling the always welcoming hugs from my friends in the cycling community there. I feel like I belong there, like I am part of something special. I miss that. Even though the oh so loving arms of Alister are enough for me anywhere... I will be lonely when he is off racing around the world next season. I am so excited for him, but I will miss him. I am hoping I can use that time apart to pursue some of my own dreams and goals. I want to use and consider that time a good thing where I can self improve, become stronger and better for Alister... for me, for us. I’m sure he will do the same.
From past experience I feel like the lonely periods in my life were one of the best ways I really began to learn about myself. When I felt alone I was forced to really look deep into my emotions, my actions, feelings and my beliefs. Working through those things allowed me to come out brighter, happier, better and more aware than before.
Now dont get me wrong here. I am not excited to go through that lonely feeling again. I know how much it can hurt having my reality torn in two and feeling like I have to face the world alone, but I think that just from past experiences I am predicting to much and expecting it to be bad, but who am I to say what the future holds. I dont want to be scared going into these changes. I want to be excited. Not anxious, but just thrilled to have the life I have and positive about my future whatever it may hold. Lonely or not. I want it to be astonishing.

something old.

I'm sitting at a petit table in my favorite cafe, Kafe Mercantile. It’s the cafe just around the corner from where I was raised in Ogden, Utah. It is an early sunny spring morning after a rainy spring day. The sun is more than glorious as it rises over the massive Wasatch mountains and as it shines through the windows of this French-esque coffee shop. I'm staring out of the windows in awe at the new green leaves and grass. The water droplets on them are magnified in the morning light...

Mmmm. And the coffee is so good. My favorite. The best I have ever had from anywhere. Every sip of it is a bit of motivation, and every cup is a cup of encouragement to live a great day... a great life.

I am visiting from Durango, Colorado, the place I call my new home… It’s amazing there and fresh. And here is amazing too, but old to me and has many old memories…

The café window is like a looking glass to memories… As I sit at this petit table and look through the window and out at the scene, I remember many of my memories. I cant help but remember my days in France, my travels to here and there and everywhere. I remember many little memories; my happy ones, some sad ones, and some of love…. And I day dream… of happy things… all my happy things… and how I’m happy…

RatcliffRacing

My boyfriend Alister Ratcliff has started up a website! ratcliffracing.wordpress.com Follow it to see whats happening in his racing career with Chipotle Garmin SugarLabs! He has an exciting racing schedule for next season potentially over the pond. Also his website provides a page with details about the crash he was in this summer resulting in a lot of unpaid hospital and dental bills. There is a a link for donations on the page for his accident. All donations are through PayPal and transferred to a donation only checking account that we set up specifically to keep all donations separate. All the funds donated are used for the hospital and dental bills only. Thanks so much for your support. We are excited for his racing future and appreciate your donations towards helping Alister pay these stressful medical bills. Also don't forget to follow my blog as well! I only post about once a month, but when I do I do and its gooood. ;)

The seasons they're a changin'

Its that time of year again. When it gets cold and I have to fight to keep my thoughts warm. Its that time of life again where I am confused and amazed how I arrived where I am today. Its crazy isn't it? How we all end up in places we never expected or planned. Yet it seems as if the place I am is what I always dreamed and makes more sense than what I thought I wanted... or at least I feel it does. Feel. Sometimes I catch myself not feeling. Sometimes I just go through the motions of being a living organism. No emotions on what I have done in my day. No drive or reason for doing it... just doing it. Thats not who I am or who I want to be. I like feeling. I like looking at the sky and the mountains and having my breath taken away while on a bike ride or a walk... Getting butterflies over small happy memories. My goal this winter is to not let the snow freeze my mind and emotions or dreams, but to be the negative pressure that just fuels the fire to live my dreams and to set goals and reach them. Happy Winter Everyone.

Vadabing baddaboom!!!

Cachow! Just like that summer is already over! I don't think the fact that I just spent three months of summer vacation living with my boyfriends parents has sunk in yet... Especially the fact that mine and Alister's relationship survived through it. I would be a huge liar if I said it were easy. I could name too many reasons or things that Alister's parents do ass backwards that give me great reason to not miss them for a while. However they truly are incredible people to put up with my princeass attitude and forwardness in criticizing all there inefficient lifestyle doings.

I think had we stayed one more week someone would have exploded really causing a problem in the relations.

Yet, here I sit at the end of a summer not just living in a household that felt like it was from the 1940s in the UK, but having met some really sweet people through my job at the cafe down the street. Upon my leaving I come to realize how much of an effect my persona really does have on others and how I should continue to strive to be a positive and honest asset to my community. I am richer of a few more friends and managed to not completely destroy my relationship with Alister's parents.... Lol

This morning I watched the sun rise over Manhattan. Sitting in the airport... Watching all of the people... Although I don't love the east cost like I do the west I still have a new found spot in my heart for New England.

The beaches of California are calling. My brothers Mexican marina wedding will be beautiful and not having to share Alister with his mom will be renewing and give us a good start before we turn to Durango and struggle to our path leading to the next chapter in our lives.... My matra.... Don't stop dreaming... Positive vibes manifest positive things.... Positive vibes manifest positive things....

Pricelss...

So after hacking up some blood, high fevers, and a VERY soar throat. I feel almost 100% today... I really am just sad I spent all my money (plus some) on a doctors visit!!!!! but I already said that... So, now broke Stephanie is going to walk her butt over to get her blood test results, breath in the sweet Durango air, and say "auvoir" to all the things she planned on using that money for on her week long vaca. I will just have to enjoy Cal-i-forn-i-a without spending a damn dime.... Just the way I have for most of my life not having much cash to spare. I have had to be frugal, but one thing being on tight budget has awarded me when I am thoughtful enough to consider it, is sweet memories...



When Alister and I were living out east we were (still are) extremely tight for money, but we still decided to use our last nickles and dimes to take a trip into New York City. It was my first time going into the city. We had a great time just looking around, taking pictures and enjoying each others company and it will always be remembered as one of my favorite weekend vacations. I guess what I am trying to say is that. Yeah, money can be happiness a lot of the time. It sure helps at least. And you always really do need some money, but the best part about living is getting to spend living it, broke or not, with a good friend, an interesting place (most places are interesting if you just keep looking) and a good attitude... you can have the best memories. In fact, this probably isn't everyone, but I think most of my favored memories are when I was hurting for some cha ching.



Having an empty wallet does get old when its all of the time, and I do love to indulge; bikes, some close, getting my hair cut, and eating reallly good food. But the best things in life... well, they really are... Priceless.

Redlands 2011

After my fabulous experience at Redlands Bicycle Classic the previous year I was quite distort to think that Alister wasn’t going to race it this time around. But last minute after Alister had a great performance in Tucson and San Dimas he scored a spot onto Monster Media through Phil Ziajhek. I felt confident that Alister could do quite well at this year as he was going even better than last! BUT since it was SO last minute I wasn’t sure I would get to go. But it worked itself out as most things I really want do and we figured it would be a lot cheaper for me to drive his bikes out than for him to fly them out with him.
I drove a loooong lonely drive of 12 hours by myself in our ol’ elantra. I am not sure how I made it. I think after a certain point I was just delusional … Delusional until I started to breath in the fresh green smelling spring air of San Bernadino county. My senses were suddenly awakened and I knew I had made it to my dream like city of Redlands. The city in which I think I really started to fall in love with Alister.
The host housing was great! Just above Sunset Drive were the best of the stages takes place. Alister was getting a head cold the first few days that was awful, but regardless he did immaculately. He didn’t do as well obviously as he would have like in the prologue. (last year he got 14th) and in the road stage he was so sick and pushed himself so hard he threw up on himself! He rarely does that. But in the crit he did better than he did last year as he managed to stay away from the crashes, but what really mattered was the Sunset Stage. The final stage was where it really matters and last year he couldn’t finish, but this year he managed 18th! Boy will I tell you! I don’t think I have ever been so excited to see the finish of a bike race before! I didn’t even think Alister was going to finish the final Stage on Sunset because he was sick, but he really did so well! A lot of the countries paid pros couldn’t finish, but Alister head cold, throwing up, and all pulled out with 18th!
I got sick with what he had almost immediately upon our return back to Durango. I think just because of how horrible I felt I gained a lot more respect for Alister and his ability as a bike racer. I was wining and suffering all day when I was just sitting with a box of tissues on my sofa and he, feeling the same way at the peak of his illness raced 124miles in 100 degree weather! S.T.U.D
The team he was riding with was packed of some really experienced riders that didn’t bring any drama or excuses. It was refreshing to be around racers that kept it strictly business on the bike. No bull shit excuses, just some seriously smart and talented bike racing on all their parts.
The family that hosted us was adorable and so kind. Brian, Patty, and Maddi. So cute… Again another beautiful experience in Redlands soaking up the rays in the feed zone, getting my tan on while Alister did all the hard work. I LOVE IT!

eat. pray. love

Although I thought that most people figure out a meaning to their life before their 30s I guess Julia Roberts didn't. ;)

Not sure how I feel about the movie. Although I did enjoy watching it and that it had some good points... In fact I kind of felt like I related to it, but only I was barely 18 when going through this faze of self discovery. When I had a serious bug to get out into the world and I had a broken heart that I thought France could miraculously mend. A series of events led me to eventual inner peace and agreement with "God" and the universe... I guess. The most basic thing I learned and wont ever forget is that life for me is good when I get to share it with the people I love and with the man I love. Every moment, fun or sad, lively or still, full of heartbreak or love... All are stunning, and full of meaning and greatness. AND I. LOVE. IT.

I am so bored. So bored I am on the verge of tears! Not to sound un thankful for all the good in my life, but um yeah. I can handle boredom every now and then. It even feels good every now and then to be bored as a reminder that not being bored is so much better! Stillness is a healthy practice, but too much of anything isn't, right? Over it. Cracked. I wish I was powerful enough to not let it bring me down, but it has. It really has. I want to hide it, but it comes through. I finally was able to purchase a bike, but it wont be here for TWO months. I don't know how I will last that long. I wish I were patient

Success...what a dumb word.

I was asked if I felt I was successful...

I feel I am "successful" even in "failure." Isn't what we measure our success by all a matter of how we, our selves, choose to think about it? I can choose to do a lot of things. I have made a lot of choices. They say that with every choice comes a consequence, but why is it that consequence sounds like a bad thing? It seems our society emphasizes the bad effects of bad decisions, but never the good ones. What about the only okay ones. And then why if something is "bad" do we say everything happens for a reason.

So here I am in my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I know loves me very much and tries always to help me be happy and who loves to share our happinesses together. And I feel that our relationship is "successful." But what an almost dumb question to ask someone. "Do you feel you are successful in life?" I believe that having a successful life is finding the beauty of life in the journey of each of my days instead of all the different destination I wish I had reached and forgetting all the ones I have. My consequences have brought me here? Yes I tell myself... And even though I look at my desire to learn French or race a bike... It is not to say that I will never do these things again, just that for now, they must wait.... But I will dream on. And I will always have "it". It as in happiness, success, money, or whatever society claims it be... Whatever.

Drink coffee! Do Stupidi things faster and with more energy!!!!

Seriously... Seriously... I am not going to lie. I have been getting so bored with Durango Lately... Living here and not riding is painful. Haha. My job at the mountain is glorious, but I would love it so much more if I even knew how to ski and owned skis. Working here is great though in comparison to mcdonalds! Just working with clients and people of a higher moral is so uplifting and motivating. Working here has helped me become confident in myself again in being able to eventually pursue my career goals as a flight attendant, and even in my abbilities to get a job in CT so I can be with Alister over the summer! Its strange the things I do to be with him instead of on my own riding, and playing.

I remember everyday that I feel bad that I cant ride a bike, that the lonliness I was feeling with that material item was still joyful, but that its not the same as sharing joy with your best, most loved friend, my Alister. Making the sacrifice is worth it and will pay off in the end. For now I am okay with just drinking my coffee to help me do stupid things faster and with more energy!

So now I work work work! To make money and pay my bills and buy flights to cali then CT then back to cali, then back to Durango! My brother Allan finally proposed to Farrah and it looks like they will be having an August wedding in Mexico! Farrah has asked me to be a brides maid! So hence the desire to fly out to visit them in May to help with wedding plans! After that I would like to fly to Connecticut to start working a simple summer job as Alister races around. As long as I can support Alister in his cycling I feel like I am still involved with cycling and that makes me happy! In July Alisters brother Scott is marrying Kari in New Jersey. When August comes we will then fly to San Diego to meet up with Farrah and Allan and drive down with them to there Mexico wedding!!!! Aaand at some point a long the way I will pick up a bike to fill some of my spare time riding in CT, plus I will need some mode of transportation to get to work, right?

Home is where your heart is....

I don't have a bike right now. In fact I haven't ridden since super week in July.... I sold my bike to pay off the credit card I originally used to purchase my first rocky mountain. It had just gotten to the point that I wasn't able to make my payments on it and it was sent to collections and gaining interest super fast. So it came to the point where I decided that my obsession and love for riding wasn't more important than me always putting myself in a bad financial situation, but I wont lie... Now that it is mid January, I miss it, and I mean I miss it a LOT!

But regardless Alister and I still find a way to do what makes us happy and nothing brings true happiness like being with loved family and friends! For thanks giving we were in Utah visiting my interesting family!

And for Christmas and New Years we were in Connecticut! It marked our first of many lovely Christmases together! I got this cute necklace

While on our mini holiday vaca back east we had a day in New York. The highlights definitely starting with Carlos Bakery! You know! CAKE BOSS??? TLC??? Yeah. My fave! And boy oh boy oh BOY! Was it just as good as I had hoped!

We got LUCKY. Normally its a three hour wait just to get into the place, but for us none. It was slow and the place was all ours due the huge storm keeping all the other so called fans inside! We didn't see buddy, but we saw Joey and Marlo! Not to sound like I was fame struck but Joey made eye contact with me more than once!!! I couldn't bring myself to ask for a pic though! The canolis were as delicious as Buddy makes them sound and same with all the other goods we got!


But upon our return its been go time! Alister and I quit our awful corporate jobs and have been working on starting a cleaning business while I also started a new position at the Durango Ski Resort. There I work at the deli! Its a lot different than McDonalds! The clients are a heck of a lot nicer and I make tips on top of the already few dollar higher hourly wage than McD's!! Not to forget the free ski pass to a very beautiful ski resort!