Facebook... Might be my best friend...

So yeah... I'm addicted. Follow me more on Facebook. I am better at keeping that updated with events.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?success=1&id=684523272#/profile.php?ref=profile&id=684523272

Grocery Shopping

So I am grocery shopping... I am walking up and down the isles and around the store looking at my options of what I want. Some things I know I need. What if City Market doesnt have them? Somethings I know I want. Sometimes I'm down a weird isle I never had really been on before. I could always go to another store, but I'm on my bike, I am here now and its cold and icy outside, so it is here I will shop...

I guess you could say I am also grocery shopping for options in my life. I know what I want, its the knowing what I need that is the problem. I need food, hence the grocery shopping, but what else? I swear up and down that I need cycling and I swear it still. There are so many things I could choose, so many brands that are sitting on the shelf available to me. I just have to decide "this is the one I am going to buy." Then I can use the self check out, and "Voila!" its mine to do with as I like. I have my life in a shopping bag (more like my bike bag, but hey.) If it doesnt fit in my bag its obviously too big for me to haul home.

I am one of the luckiest people I know. I am living the journey of my dreams. I feel a little shocked that I am where I am, but instead of feeling shocked, I am currently feeling loved and blessed with God given "options", name brand talents, and priceless friends and family that I could never "buy off a shelf."

Bend OR CX National Championships

We left early Wednesday afternoon on our drive from Durango to Bend Oregon for the cyclocross national championships. It was an epic drive. I was in the ladies van with Shriver driving. It was nice to have some quality hours getting to know Coach Matt Shriver a little better and getting to know Magen Long. I continuously feel fortunate to be on a team with not only extreme talent, but one of beautiful individuals. Once we arrived in Bend we headed straight to the CX course for a few practice laps. It was like they had made an obstacle course over a sheet of ice and had me a in a mindset of fear of failure, but the last couple days on the course have been reassuring as the ice has turned into tacky mud. Shriver and "Balls-Out-Dip-In-Hagen" have taught me a lot about choosing lines and as I have gone around and around I feel I know the course like the back of my hand. My teammates have also shared a lot of valuable tips with me and I feel confident that I can do well and that our team can take home the gold. Seeing the girls from other schools out on the course today built a little fire with in me.... and all I can say is, "IT'S ON. Ka-Kaw!"

See more photos and follow our progress on our team website: http://cycling.fortlewis.edu/

"Oh, members of the Church of the Big Ring! Preach me pain!"

So its thanksgiving break and I came home to Utah to visit some much missed food, friends, and family. Coming home gave me a bit of anxiety. I felt like I havnt been gone very long, and nothing about Ogden seems to have changed that much. Things are still cool here and all my friends hair is just a bit longer, but its still the same Ogden. Pretty in its same ways. I raced the cross races here this weekend and loved it. But coming back to Ogden really has me thinking how much I love Durango, How perfect Fort Lewis College is for me, and how lucky I am to be on the FLC Cycling team with such neat fast people. I may not be able to go to school next semester, but I plan on staying in Durango and working so I can gain my residency in Colorado and save some money for next summer semester. I am happy to feel happy if you know what I mean. Last winter I seemed to have vanished in a thick mist of change and have finally found my out again fresh, new, and enthusiastic about my future. I still fight negative self talk and self hatred, but daily find self love, and am mindful of what is and that "it" is what it is and thats just fine. Life is beautiful. I am a beautiful person. I can achieve much, and I can spread happiness too others.

Kate Shavel has been a blessing in my life. She is such positive liver. She makes the most of everyday and is not blind to the beauty in little things. I love that in her and she helps me to see goodness in myself and in life. I am lucky to be me.
me at heber cross in utah. that was a rough day of racing after much driving the day before. It was a "training race" ;)

Track Nationals....

I think I am in love... with the velodrome. I had only ridden on a velodrome twice before I ended up at Collegiate Track Nationals in Trexlertown Pennsylvania. I finished 16th in the overall woman's omnium. For my first time it was not too bad. It was a learning experience. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think my favorite event in the future will be the pursuit. I finished 12 in that.

Durango Diva

Although I have never muttered to myself more often in my life the sentance, "Freaking hippies!" I sent a text out this morning to my new coach Matt Shriver saying, "Matt... I think I'm in love... With DURANGO!" Regardless of all the "its cool to be cool" chaco wearing pot head rock climbers. I woke up one of the first days I was here on my ridiculously uncomfortable dorm matress and the words of a bright eyes song came into my head, "Everything must belong somewhere, I know that now, that's why I'm staying here." As usual I am facing some financial set backs but somehow things are working out very well. This place is beautiful. There are so many great people here and I have made some great friends. Matt and Dave are awesome coaches and I feel I can instill a lot of trust in them. They do a lot of hard work for us. Last weekend I got to train on the 7-eleven Olympic Velodrome in Colorado Springs. The experience gave a me a dash of vertigo because your biking on an incline of like 45 degrees with people like Kerry Higgins, a female world champion, staring at you funny behind a polite smile because I so obviously was/am a n00b with a look of "awh" on my face. But I felt so privlaged at the opportunity. Before I came here I was experiencing a lot of depression from lack of structure and purpose as a human in life, but this place gives me meaning. I have done some volunteering here that has opened up a can of opportunities as well. For example this weekend is the Single Speed World Championships are in Durango. My friend Kate Shavel and me are coarse marshaling. Its fun to be a part of the action and you get to meet a lot of people.

Along with class, studying and homework, training, volunteering, socializing, and racing, I am trying to find a job. So far the only offer I have is at McDonalds... LAAAME. But hey. Money is money.

Kind of Depressing

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and just feel depressed? Like you are just a waste of space, time, breath, life...? Thats me. Almost daily. Sure some days I dont really notice. Really I dont feel at all some days. I just wake up and go ride. I put myself through massive amounts of pain on my bike and for what... I dont know? Just holding on to something I guess. Cant wait to go to school. Need the structure. Life... hmm haah!

The Essay I Wrote for the Cycling Scholorship at FLC

I stood in my birthday dress with ribbons in my crimped red hair anxiously staring at my new two-wheeled toy all pretty and pink with sparkling tassel-bar ends. I immediately took it out, too impatient to wait for someone to teach me how it all worked. I vividly remember gaining speed going down a hill and panicking when seeing what seemed to be a 10 foot curb in front of me. I clearly didn’t understand the concept of coaster breaks or turning, and bam! I "end-o'ed" over the curb on my cute new bike and busted up the bones in my chin. That experience put a fear in me, and riding a bike was something I wouldn’t be doing again until my early teens.
At the beginning of my sophomore year in high school I had been training for my first marathon when two of my friends were telling me about how they would be riding bicycles 100 miles with their dads. Always up for a new adventure, I was intrigued and said I would like to give it a try. These guys didn’t seem to have much confidence in my abilities, but I signed up online and borrowed some old steel frame bicycle with mustache handle bars, down tube shifters, and a tattered Brooke’s saddle. I bought myself some “padded butt shorts," got a ride down with the boys and was off on my 100 mile journey. It was hot, it was hard, and it hurt really badly, but I did it. AND I did it faster than the nay-sayers. (Goes to show you don’t tell this red head she can’t do something.) I spent the whole next week at school loving my tan lines and feeling liberated!
My first century made me hopelessly infatuated with the bicycle and had me frequently visiting the cafe of a local bike shop. One day a friend who worked there rolled out a sexy Italian, fully lugged, steel, sea-foam green, Bianchi bicycle, and said, “You’re going to race on this next week at the Ogden cash criterium!” This is how my racing got started. I got dropped, learned a little about pain, did a road race, got dropped, did more local crits, got closer to not getting dropped, and Whoa! I didn’t get dropped! With subsequent time and technical practice, I overcame my irrational fear of curbs. I learned a lot about tactics, was given a Carmichael Training Systems book (The Ultimate Ride), and started on my path of gaining speed and fitness. This was one of the happiest periods of my life.
My high school graduation came and I thought a grand adventure would help me escape certain heartaches and problems, so I moved to France to be a nanny. I was excited to have that adventure. However, I encountered a lot of red tape, dealt with several instances of miscommunication and misunderstandings, and faced some unexpected financial issues. I wasn't at all sorry for having taken that leap, but I was also happy to return to my extremely beautiful home in Ogden, Utah where I could again ride a bike.
Upon my return I was still dealing with circumstances I needed to overcome. I found that commuting and racing CycloCross on my single speed Specialized was what gave me a reason to keep plugging away through the cold Utah winter and through my mist of dense, confusing change. I had a few good friends that frequently reminded me to not take myself so seriously and to look at my situation with some perspective while others were tempting me with temporary fixes. I had a lot to decide about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
It was during my first CycloCross state championships that it came time for me to make an important decision. I remember it vividly. I was jockeying for 1st place in the women’s B category. I could practically hear my legs and lungs screaming and see my heart's maxed pulse on the course in front of me. I could feel the energy of onlookers and my competitors hunting me all while my mind was rapidly disputing whether or not I would give into my tremendous physical pain; Was I going to give in to the phobia of a curb, to the heart break of broken relationships, to the hurt of failure, being poor, having a difficult family situation, negativity, pressure? — No way!! I wanted to see my cup as half full, and use my challenges as an opportunity to rise and soar on the wings of my dreams.
I am now more stable in my independence and am both honored and excited to have the opportunity to continue my education and racing at Fort Lewis College. Cycling has become my passion and a way for me to express my deepest joys. I cherish the comfort of its community, and I thrive on the opportunity to improve myself physically, emotionally, and academically. I am choosing to major in sports science and business because one day I would like partake in running a cool bike shop or training system where I can continually give back to cycling what it has given to me on and off the saddle.

On the threshold to a new chapter in my young life...

I was just recently accepted to attend Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO where I will be furthering my education and RACING! Yes, that’s right. I will be racing under well known coach Matt Shriver. Check out there page. http://cycling.fortlewis.edu/ I am just a little anxious for this next chapter of my life. I am mostly ready for it though I should think. I am registered for classes, I’ve submitted my FAFSA forms for student aid, and written a scholarship essay. In the mean while I am trying to earn some cash so that I can pay for my housing (the first year I have to live on campus) and other expenses of getting there. (On that note; need someone to cut your lawn, wash your dishes… give me a few bucks and I would love too)…
ANY ways in the meanwhile, I am training and racing. I just recently received my upgrade into the pro 1-2-3s. I raced my first race as a 3 at the Sugar House Crit. I did an attack on request of a teammate a tad too early, was counter attacked, and got dropped. Disappointed with the result I decided to jump in and race with the mens 3s. Heck, why not? I hung with them very impressively until the race officials called the prime lap… It was only five laps in, but I had had my fun. Riding with the boys, I hate to say, was much cooler than riding with the gals… But that’s another story. My teammate Jamie pulled a fantastic sprint finish and finished 3rd!
I took the next race, The Garden Creek Gap off to help. I was the follow car for the women’s 1-2-3s and learned a lot about my competitors. Luckily there were no flats. The one crash that occurred was minor and the girls involved in it got back on their bikes and finished the race. Very impressive.
I got on my bike again the next weekend for the State TT. Although I don’t have an aero helmet or bars I managed to scrounge up a helmet…no bars but, I got out there and killed it… or got killed to be more accurate. I had to make do with no aero bars. I think I gave my legs to Karen and that’s why she dominated the field, I came in at 47 minutes for a 30 k. And considering my power was zapped I was satisfied with the result. I really had to push myself mentally and had my first experience of real tunnel vision… It was insane. …
BUT I learned from my TT experience that I am experiencing what cyclist call “burn out” or “Over Training” So I took a much needed recovery week with slower tempo rides. The recent decision of Utah weather to no longer be a desert, but a rainy oasis, helped keep me off the bike as well, but only sent me on the trails to run where I tweeked my knee. However it is healing quickly. And I plan to start a more structured training plan this week so that I can peak my fitness and speed for when I race Twilight. (Twilight is a pro NRC points criterium race in Boise, ID.) So with the advice of my knowledgeable friend Chuck I should be ready to rock!
All of the training I do this summer I am sure will only help my success at Fort Lewis. Matt Shriver will be my coach. I will have a month to month training plan set up by him. I am most excited that I may have the opportunity to be racing on the track. Matt says that a few team members will be sent to Colorado Springs to train on the velodrome of the Olympic Training Center. Then from there he will be choosing a team to take to Pennsylvania to race on the honcho track there. This will be a great opportunity for me. Because racing on the track could be a door for me to move up in the Cycling racing world I would like to get on one even before I make the final move to Durango. So I am thinking that after Twilight in Boise I may continue on the road up to Oregon where I could perhaps race on the track there.….
The term starts August 31st so I will be leaving for school a week in advance. I am still unsure of how I will get there, but I know something will work out. I am anxious, nervous, afraid, and excited while I stand on the threshold to this new chapter of my life, but am greatful for the blessing and opportunities cycling continues to give me on and off the bike.

I will find my fears and face them...

Like anyone else I fear failure. I want things to be a certain way. I dream and do what I can to make my dreams reality. But what happens when they dont. Panic grips my body-- my hearts a humming bird. But, I will find my fears and face them. Look failure in the face and not cower. Come what may. I'll ride away... ride away...

Bear Lake RR

Oohhh! the lake of Bears, the Bears of a Lake, and that darned 52 mile loop around it. Doing that lap in a Team Time Trial (TTT).... you might as well be... well, ...mauled by a bear, lake that is....


Okay, so I'll try to make some sense now.... The Bear Lake road race was a blast! I won the RR and that gave me enough points to upgrade so now I will be racing the pro women 1-2-3s. Eeeeeks! I loved being there. I meat tons of cool people, and team mates. We finally got our super women kits. They look great. I'll let you know how my first 1-2-3 race goes after words.

A State Criterium Champion

The alarm went off at 6:06 am. I was anxious to hop out of bed. I would be taking the train to SLC at 7:10am. So I had to force feed myself quickly, (I always do this race morning. I get nervous and have to gag down the much needed carbs and cals.) chamois up, check my air preasure and roll out. It was a tad chilly, but a beautiful morning that promised a nice day. The train station was buzzing with people going about there Saturday business. Runners also taking the train to Salt Lake for the Find the Cure run that thousands attend. I got to my destination downtown where the State Champion Crit would be taking place. It too was buzzing with people. Runners, bikers, and your morning coffee drinkers lined the sidewalks and baracaded roads (not to mention your typical downtown wierdos, hobos...lol.)

Our 4 corner lap was around Pioneer park. (next to the new SLC Bingham Cyclery and my much favored authentic Italian cafe/market Tony Capputos). I went about signing in, pinning my number on my jersey, warming up, mingling a tiny bit, and then lining up.... aware of my coarse, competitors, and onlookers... GO!

The Ski Utah women started doing short bursts and attacks. But nothing that I couldnt do too. I was feeling pretty good. I thought since they were playing a bit that we could all "play" together and start a break. I went to lead it out looked back.... and bam. Wait... where did they go? They were gone. It was only the 3rd lap in and I felt I was in danger of being cought since we had a good 30 minutes left and I was all alone, no way of drafting myself, If I let up at all they could catch me and I would be in danger of losing.....

Each lap the crowd got louder. Cheering my name, telling me to dig deep, that I looked good...... I pedald hard out of every corner, regaining any lost speed from turning.... I talked to my aching legs, chanting motivating thoughts to my pounding airobic system.... I was thriving on the crowds energy. People I didnt even know cheering me on. The announcer screamed it every lap. "Stephanie Falls. Right Here..... Attacking off the front, starting a break..... All alone. I dont know if they will catch her...... Loook at our Cat 4 women State Champion! Here she is with 8 laps to go!"..... Wait what!? 8 laps to go! What!? Eight more. UGH! OWE. But I had to do it. I could see the group two corners behind me trying to gain.

I had to pedal faster, harder, smoother. If I was hurting, so were they. And I had made the choice, through all of my struggle mentally, emotionally, and with me.... That all of my everything can go into cycling..... AND Only 8 laps. What else do I live for? Go go Go GO! I was doing it! I was doing this. Becoming a state champion. A year ago I only dreamed of it. And now I was DOING IT! I felt like I was in take off. And when I crossed the finish line first... a door had opened even more and for a moment I was soaring on the wings of that dream... of a dream. I am a Utah State Criterium Champion!

Thank you for everyone who cheered me on and who shared that amazing moment of my life with me!

ICE ICE BABY

This 2009 road season is my first real season of racing. I am on a team with a friend that I met when I got a little bit more into the sport in 2008. Her name is Diane Evans (aka Pink Lightning.) I owe her more thank you and praise than any other cyclist I have met. This lady simply kicks butt at racing, at life, and at being my friend. If it werent for her I wouldnt be as progressed with my racing. She has been there for me through the hardest moments of my life (cyclocross), forgiven me for my weaknesses, and made me more knowledgeable in our sport and opened more doors for me than most anyone. But thats something I probably get into more detail about later.

The point of this blog today is to post my results for the couple of races I have done this season with the jersey of ICE on my back. Thank you all of my sponsors!

The Hell of the North SLC, UT--I started a break accidentally in the first lap. Tayler Wiles was the only one that could manage to stay with me and worked together the other 22 miles of the race. It was truely hellacious do to the fact that 1.5 miles of it was on a dirt road, it was snowing/raining, and it was only 35 degrees. ... We lost the group almost effortlessy, Tayler got me on the line and beat me by no more than an 1/8th of a second. 2nd Place!

Tour of the Depot Tooele, UT-- My first stage race ever! It wasnt as warm as I would have liked it to be, but it didnt rain so I was happy. I had never Time Trialed before in my life and didnt have a TT bike but managed to do great by just riding on my elbows. Rocky (the name of my rocky mountain, super dope, all carbon road bike) and I managed 3rd place in the first stage... 23:44 some odd minutes with a 3 mile climb out of the total 9 miles. The second stage was a 5 mile circuit that we only did 3 laps on. My team mate and I planned some tactics that would get me off the front in the last lap that worked magically. However I pulled two others with me to the finish and once again Tayler Wiles got me on the line by a fraction of a second. 2nd place. In the 49 mile road race, the third stage, I didnt start out feeling good at all, however after like 4 gu gel packs and a lot of sports drink I got a burst of energy around mile 25, bunny hopped a cattle gaurd and broke on the decent with two others. Tayler Wiles and Margret, a masters 35+ plus women. We hauled apples for the other half, worked a hefy pace line, and lost the group. The only things I seemed to know for sure through my aching legs was that that day, Tayler would be the one pulling ME to the line. We all did our fair share of work, but at the finish the smartest man (or woman, in this case) wins! I took first and got a time bonus that in the final results only put me a second behind Tayler Wiles who just last week upgraded to the Cat1-2-3 Women and is placing top 10... I'll let you figure what that may mean for me...

I am now points leader after just two races and think that if I can put it in the sack the next couple of weekends I will be swimming with the big dogs... okay... more like drowing with the big dogs. But I guess it doesnt hurt to just put myself out there. ....... WELL it does hurt, a lot actually, but you got to do it sometime. You catch my draft?? (no pun intended) Might as well enjoy being able to place well while I still can. Lol. I am a bit nervy about upgrading because I am still a newb, but figure I have a lot of peoples support and that it wont hurt for me to learn to talk with my legs rather than my mouth.

The State Criterium Championships are this weekend. I will keep you posted. Thanks all!

Liberation in the journey, not the destination.

If you havnt cought on yet. I am a cyclist. Not only do I love cycling, I live for cycling. And it all began when I was 15... I had some great idea that biking one hundred miles on a really old rivendale with mustache handle bars, and a tattered brookes sattle would be fun.... even though I had never ridden more than a total of 10 miles in my life! But turns out the sunburn and discomfort made me feel liberated and would only be the begining to what I would soon be devoting a couple or so years of my life to. It was the spark that got the fire burning for FireCross! (dont laugh because it really is my race name...) Although I couldnt afford a bike until a couple months ago I managed to borrow one every now and then and would "liberate myself" for a few hours. In 2008 I met a guy through a friend that happened to be a mechanic of a Utah bike shop. We started dating and one day he busted out an old steel frame Italian Bianchi and informed me, "You're racing this this week." I was up for a challenge and never one to really shut the door on an opportunity... So I rolled out to Ogdens cash crit and got dropped in the first lap of the C flight. The boyfriend let me borrow the bike for the duration of 3 months (thats as long as the relationship could last. :/ ... lol) So I continued doing the weekly cash crits and gradually progressed, started truly expanding my cycling network, fitness, knowledge, and love. (I named the Bianchi, Biancha. I would even talk to her... we had a deep relationship.... lol. Clearly I grow attatched to my bicycles.) But on Biancha I also completed my first road race. It took place in some windy place up in Idaho called the Garden Creek Gap.... (a climbing coarse to put it lightly) That was what I would consider the harshest intro to road racing one could ever recieve. Not only was Biancha a tad heavy (27.68lbs) compaired to the fancy full carbon 15lb bike I have now, but I got dropped in the first 5 miles, having never really climbed more than 1 mile in my life at the Cat 4 women race pace, and just flat out had no idea something could hurt so bad (even running a marathon wasnt that bad!) Not to mention that there were 15 mph winds blowing a massive hail/rain storm that would dump on me the last 10 miles which also happened to be where the big climb was aka THE Gap! dun dun dun..... Ask anyone that was there that day, It flat out SUCKED.... But again. I finished and loved it (not dead last either!!.... A couple girls dropped out! lol.) SO case and point... I got hooked. Started reading books and practically did nothing but think and breath cycling to the point that it was unhealthy for me and my relationships with others. Through time I have gotten better at nurturing the other nessicary parts of my life, but still do everything for the passion I live for. Cycling.

The Hardest Part About Love

I was asked the other day by a co worker what I thought the hardest part about love was. It was out of the blue and I was focused on a qwest customer problem so just answered crudely and said... well I shouldnt say it again because it was gross, but its not what I meant by any means. On my bike ride commute home I had some more time to think about it. Being that I just went through a fairly big breakup, I couldnt help not too as I rolled down the street staring at our beautiful mountains. (I get a great view of them and Ogden when I bike down 30th next to the Ogden Air Port everyday.) I realized the hardest part about love is failing it. The hardest part about love is when it is dragged down to fester with all of the other petty, dirty, meaningless, and condisending things in the world. Just the same as any out-of-this-world thing that is blurred by our black smog and polution, pushed aside, and taken for granted. Its almost immpossible to escape, but I am ready to find out what impossible means and soar above it on the wings of a dream.... I miss DGE... The hardest part about love is failing it.... losing it.

My! Oh! Town

This city has raised me. It’s become part of me. The people, the mountains, its diversity, and insanity... even its naïveness is part of me. Just like this city I have thick LDS back ground, but am bursting at the seams for adventure, something better than I already am... full of flaws and this annoying chipper "I'm great" and "going places" attitude that is smothering to those who can’t keep up. But like this city I have made the decision to use what I already have and work with it. Make it better and hope that the bad things will inevitably rise with best of it. I hope that people look past the dirty neighborhoods and my weak points, wishing that if I could be forgiven for anything... It would be for being me... in love with life, love, my dreams, and the little pretty things that are too easily forgotten...

I have been looking for a place to call my home. And have found that as long as I have my bicycles... those two wheels... I am at home, but it is Ogden, what it contains, from Wall Avenue to Indians trail. With long loved soul-friends, passing tipsy strangers, and wise long lived trees... This place is as agreeable as spring, but as limiting as a dark winter. It’s just the way you look at it, what I want it to be for myself.... I have a soft enthusiastic place in my heart for this city.... but am aching to escape it, just so I can learn like I did my days in France, that it’s not where you are that makes you happy. It’s what you love.... and sharing that passion with others is the icing on the cake.... but I need to get out and find myself a little more... perfect me a little more, have my eyes peeled open, listen to the music in the wind. After all... all the answers are in the wind... I guess my point is that I love Ogden, but I have hurt here too... and I need to get away for a minute... I have ... A traveling bug. :P

Rolling out...

A friend that is agreeable like spring has got me hooked on this blogging idea. I have always been a journal writer, but hey... why not spread the love with the whole net.... or something like that... Uh... SO. My real name is Stephanie. I was born and raised in Ogden, Utah. I have a love hate relationship with this place that I am sure you will be reading about later. I am a dedicated and passionate cycling enthusiast who enjoys an adventure, yummy food, a hot cup of tea, a shot of espresso, good friends, strolls in the sun, people watching, yoga, reading, laughing at the odd, out-of-my-hands things in life, traveling, and etc, etc...hik... okay... I think you get it. I am up for most anything as long as it doesnt clash to horribly with my red hair!... and morals. Thats my quick intro..... I guess. Later.